QH3 Run 878. Crown Inn, Beeston

QH3 RUN #878
Date: Tues 25 August 2015 (19:15)
Location: Crown Inn, Beeston
Hare: Barritone
Weather: Just about dry after a wet afternoon
Pack size: 13 inc. 7 hash virgins


Shortcutters! With the opening of the Nottingham Tram extension happening today, the hare incorporated the Toton to Beeston line in his trail

Moving the hash to the last Tuesday of the month so we weren't competing with the Bank Holiday weekend activities didn't confuse too many hashers. We even got seven hash virgins. Welcome to the group from Hoveringham - Phil, Chris L, Cadi, Alison, Tom, Joe and Sam. 

With so many virgins the regular hashers were kept busy at checks making sure we didn't lose anyone. Youngsters Tom, Joe and Sam were like puppies off the leash and were keen to set a fast pace. Like all Barritone trails this one was well laid, most false trails were eventually barred and, despite the afternoon and early evening rain, this hare is never economic with the flour so the trail was easy to find.

We were warned by the hare that we needed money for a tram ride home so we knew as we headed out to Toton this was an A to B trail. Although we didn't head for the new Toton Park & Ride, instead met the tram at Inham Rd. Too bad Too Tuf and Chicki turned up with a dog, the latter not being allowed on the Tram - they had to make the journey On Inn by bus. If I'd been the hare I would have provided Chicki with a white stick and dark glasses. Diarrhoea had already had his free tram ride earlier in the day with his bus pass.

Malteaser was given the first down-down (DD) of the evening by RA Chicki, who was somewhat rusty after missing recent hashes. Hashers usually get rewarded with a beer if they short-cut. It was discovered this week that Malteaser was once actually punished with a fine for short-cutting in her car (up an Access only road). Chris L took a welcome DD for the hash virgins, though later Joe, Sam and Tom got awarded softie DDs for serious running, the latter getting only water for coming in first. Alison was also rewarded for rapidly adapting to the spirit of hashing - at a check when the purpose of false trails was being explained she was quick to realise that you can stand and rest at the check and just let 'someone else run the false trails'.

Durex was given a DD for having a new car and Too Tuf (ex-World DD champion) received a small beer by his standards simply because he needed the practice. The trail surprisingly for a Barritone hash had no sheep but the tram ride (for some!) helped to bring the run decision to 43%. Thanks Barritone for a good trail and 

So this was the day QH3 officially opened the new tram line...On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex

QH3 Run 877. Ye Olde Red Lion, Market Bosworth

QH3 RUN #877
Date : Sunday 16th August 2015 (11:00)
Location: Ye Olde Red Lion, Market Bosworth (CV13 0LL)
and later to the Country Park for Teddy Bears' Picnic
Hare: Wallington
Weather: Sunny and dry
Pack size: 8 plus 6 teddy bears

Exactly 400 runs since the memorable 4-oh-77 Mash Hash weekend in Market Bosworth we returned for the Teddy Bears' picnic. So far south in our hashing area was this location it had a Coventry postcode. This, along with the fact it was summer holidays, meant the pack was only brought up to acceptable levels by the attending teddy bears. 

The trail including a holding check at the Battle of  Bosworth memorial

 The r*nning pack of Durex, Malteaser, B*gger and Goblin (plus hare Wallington) headed out to the battlefield where we had a cultural holding check to take in all the information about Richard III's demise. From there it was an almost straight line back to Market Bosworth with a special river crossing just for B*gger. There was a bit of loop through the Country Park where we met the walkers (Spit 'n' Sawdust plus two children) doing the trail backwards.

There were as many teddy bears as hashers on
today's trail

A brief circle was held at Ye Olde Red Lion led by stand-in RA Durex on account of the lovely weather. We had, after all, parked there prior to clearing off to the Country Park for a picnic. Spit 'n' Sawdust plus Talia and Noah were welcomed back and Wallington thanked for setting the trail. This was his third hare in two months and, like at Seagrave in July, he organised the Dekota fly-past again!

B*gger became the QH3 croquet champion

At the picnic the annual QH3 croquet championship was held (first time in about five years). Durex lost his title to B*gger inexplicably and accidentally pegging out before going through all the hoops whilst well in front.





That's the way the Teddy Bears saw it.....On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex
Part 1 to the Battlefield
Part 2 from the Battlefield

MH3 Run 266. Carpenters Arms, Dale Abbey

MH3 Run#266
Date: Monday 10th August 2015
Location: Carpenters Arms, Dale Abbey (DE7 4PP)
Hare: Butcher's Dog
Weather: Dry and sunny
Pack size: 11 





This is one of my favourite pubs for a hash trail. There's always a good selection of real ales, good food and the pub sits in a one kilometre square that contains 6 km of public footpaths. Plenty of scope there for the hare to set some good false trails. Though it's no surprise that with all these footpaths we always manage to upset a local farmer. This time it was Lightning Rod, following the public footpath sign, but down the wrong side of the hedge. Several of us missed the well-marked style and opted to go over a gate tied with string.

Malteaser was first to the holding check at the
Hermitage. Further evidence to support the
charge of competitive hashing

The pack rapidly formed into two groups or should I say three on account of Beer and Loathing's lateness. A good number of checks in the first mile meant the r*nners were always in sight of The Dobber's walking group. It wasn't until we had the uphill climb to the Hermitage that we lost the walkers. From there we headed eastwards towards Stanton-by-Dale along paths I've not previously trod. I had to r*n and make mental notes about footpath condition at the same time as my contribution to the Ramblers' Big Footpath Watch.
By the time I'd returned to the On Inn, having run the perfect hash length of five miles, the walkers were well into their first pint in the beer garden. The hare is known for her wonderful cakes and for her birthday hash had made some lovely rocky-road type chocolate cakes which went down extremely well and ensured this was voted as a good hash trail.

The Dobber awarded DDs to:

1. Beer and Loathing (hashy birthday and latecomer);
2. Malteaser - competitive hashing (the only harriette in today's pack);
3. Lightening Rod for managing to upset a farmer - should have gone to Spec Savers;
4. Ballcrusher who was doing a lot of dobbing today;
5. Seaman Stains for advertising the virtue of Barton Bus' group zig-zag to do a B&B (Beer and Buses) day out around the East Midlands - Dick Barton Special Agent!; 
6. Diarrhoea for a long catalogue of how to do things for nothing - 'cheap steak'; and
7. The hare Butcher's Dog for an excellent trail.

Did Smutley really go to Darley Abbey?

On On...Durex

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 876. Anchor Inn, Walton-on-the-Wolds

QH3 RUN #876
Date : Sunday 2nd August 2015 (11:00)
Location: Anchor Inn, Walton-on-the-Wolds
Hare: Wallington
Weather: Sunny and dry
Pack size: 10



Another hash down Leicestershire way though with the hash web site down over the weekend there was someone that left it until 45 minutes before the start of the hash to find they didn't actually know where in the East Midlands to start from. At least Dope and Heroin were able to get along for their last run with Quorn, even if it did mean a long walk from Loughborough.

For a Wallington hash it was uneventful apart from being branded as dog poisoners (see photos). 

At the On Inn we were treated to some Dope cookies containing certain colourful substances (M&Ms). 

Dope cookies - you wouldn't want leave one of these on a public path!

Even though the weather had been nice there was a certain reluctance by anyone to step into the RA's shoes. B*gger eventually did awarding DDs to:

1. The hare Wallington for a good run, no vote needed but a consensus of 41% given some of the long stretches on the road.
2. Farewell to Dope and Heroin, we're sad to see you go off to Edinburgh.
3. Stacey (no hash name yet) was a newcomer who has come back for more. Careful what you say about liking big dikes when we are looking for possible hash names!
4. Malteaser for refusing to be the RA for the day and sitting down in the circle.

We have another Wallington hash to look forward to on 16th August - the Teddy Bears' picnic in Market Bosworth. Details on the Quorn Web Site - now working again as we've managed to find out who is responsible for renewing the domain name every two years.

On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex

QH3 Run 875. Packe Arms, Hoton

QH3 RUN #875
Date : Monday 27th July 2015 (19:15)
Location: Packe Arms, Hoton ( LE12 5SJ)
Hares: Dope and Heroin
Weather: Perspiration not precipitation
Pack size: 14


This was an unusual hash trail never getting more than 800 m away from the pub recycling many of the checks and false trails. Short cutting was a waste of time as generally we would return to the same point within 10-15 minutes. Doing the hash standing still may have

Cpt Oates arrived late and was seen abusing the
crops. Bouncer was concerned what a tennis ball
and combine harvester would do to his Weetabix.
This would have been a lot worse!

been the best tactic to keep up with the FRBs. This experimental format for the hash trail was implemented because the Dope claimed injury prevented him from going further afield. Without recourse to using a car to ferry hashers about, or even splitting us into several groups, this format worked extremely well. A good number of hashers, mentioning no names Chicki, didn't even notice we were essentially running around just a couple of large wheat fields. I managed to run the same false trail three times from different directions. The GPS trace (see below) is probably one of the more interesting trail patterns we have ever done.
We left home in pouring rain but in Hoton it was just threatening to do so. The RA claimed she had it all under control, the wet stuff was perspiration rather than precipitation.

The hare declared today 'Finnish national
Sleepy Head Day'. Last one back had to be
woken up with a cold glass of water!

In the circle awards were given as follows:
1. Malteaser for being anxious about Durex's projects about the home. Happy to have him working in the loft but she got nervous when he starts digging large holes in the garden.
2. RA abuse was common and easy to do. Visitor Bouncer made the mistake of nearly knocking the RA over.
3. We learnt from visitor Angel and Too Tuf how to make John Smiths smooth. Something to do with fresh barley and buttocks.
4. Captain Oates was a latecomer and was seen abusing the crops. He should have got a DD but played his 'Get out of DOWN DOWN free card'.
5. Wallington for appearing almost naked from the last hash on the QH3 Facebook page.
6. Bummer for dog abuse - we all saw him kicking the dog!

Cpt Oates played his get out of DD free card

7. The hares Dope and Heroin were thanked for their unusual trail getting a vote of 42%. Too Tuf reckoned that their imminent departure for Edinburgh would raise the IQ of both their old and new hashes.
8. Durex for repeatedly running the same false trail which never actually became the correct trail.
9. Pay-back time for Underlay (taken by Butt Plug) - apparently she had walked into Angel and Bouncer's camper van claiming that this and the children in it belonged to her.

On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex

QH3 Run 874. Conkers Waterside nr Moira

QH3 RUN #874
Date : Sunday 19th July 2015 (11:00)
Location: Conkers Waterside (nr Moira) (DE12 6BA)
Hares: B*gger and Goblin
Weather: Wet for the hares laying the trail, sunny for the rest of us
Pack size: 14

A change from our usual format starting not from a pub car park but the National Forest Conkers Waterside. As the name suggests, there's lots of woodland and water around here with a maze of paths so B*gger was in his element. A trail that never got more than about 1 mile from the car park but with many twists and changes in direction that meant some of us ran over 5 miles (see GPS map trace below). 
It was a good turn-out for a trail in the far corner of our hashing area with a few minor hashers away at the Euro Hash. Who needs an RA anyway? Although the hares got a right soaking, what mattered is the pack ran around in sunshine.
After getting the first few check wrong I had to adjust my brain to the fact that B*gger and Goblin set this trail so when presented with multiple options at future checks I always chose the least likely. That worked, most of the time.

Dope zipping along

Sausage on a saucer

 Some noted features from the trail:
1. Underlay was seen doing a check!
2. A holding check was placed in a park area of physical activity apparatus. B*gger noted that people on boot camps pay to come and do this sort of stuff. I pointed out that we also paid £1.50 (most trails) to run a hash.
3. A difficult floating log bridge crossing of the smelliest small stream you could find resulted in three hashers down in the mud. Wallington beat Dope and Lincolnshire Sausage for the most spectacular mud dive.

What short legs you've got Wallington...... and did
that shiggy smell!!!

4. We had a cultural stop at Moira Furnace.
5. Newcomer Stacey fancies the job of deputy hash flash - see the QH3 Facebook page for her photos.

Cpt Oates pointing out Moira Furnace to
those that might have missed it.

A quick circle was held at the water's edge watched by swans and cygnets hoping to get something more than a beer. This was provided from B*gger and Goblin's reject drinks cupboard, including two cans of Carling found in the park earlier in the morning.
Hare's were dealt with first - a 42% good run was awarded for a trail with many checks and 'features' that kept the pack together. Thanks again to Goblin for the lovely shortcake feet. Underlay's offsprings, Brad and Stacey were welcomed to the hash in a traditional manner, and Wallington, Sausage and Dope rewarded for their entertaining performance crossing the smelly stream. Underlay got a DD for 'virgin checking' and Butt Plug got one plus a bright orange T-Shirt (Captain Oates special) for his part in organising the camp-out a fortnight before.

That's the way QH3 Run 874 went....On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex

MH3 Run 265. Swan Inn, Milton

MH3 Run 265
Date: Monday 13th July 2015
Location: Swan Inn, Milton (DE65 6EF)
Hares: Seaman Stains and Catflap
Weather: Dry after a day of rain
Pack size: 13 





The hares were unfortunate to have chosen one of the wettest days of the summer to lay this trail, though by the time of the hash the rain had stopped and everything was drying out. Despite the rain the flour stuck well and the trail was easy to find, that is, aside from the cunning false trails.

This is a good pub to run from and the chip butties at the On Inn ensured the hares got the 'good run accolade'. Friendly staff, a good choice of beers, and with one room serving as a day time cafe this is a good place to visit any time of the day.

The pack soon split into two groups, r*nners and walkers, with the usual group of SRBs (Dobber, Loinel, Woggle) joined by Captain Oates with his poorly knee. Our hares for the day, Catflap and Seaman Stains, are of course of the walking persuasion, though the latter's statement that it wasn't a long trail because he walked it in 2 hours was not reassuring. Seaman Stains usually walks faster than some of our hashers run!

The trail was characteristically different from our usual Mickleover trails in that flour blobs were more widely spaced and hashers were enticed down false trails not marked with a check but a cunningly placed flour blob exactly were paths split. On many occasions Lightning Rod and Oriface, although familiar with this area, went off for long trips down a false trail. The harriettes (Malteaser, Wriggle and Gobalot) did meet the FRBs coming in the opposite direction in Repton, later attributed to Malteaser crossing a bar.

We were joined by Major Tosser today, running fast but fortunately kept in check by cunning false trails. Indeed, all the r*nners were kept together until the last check after which was a long stretch back into Milton including a relatively steep hill along the road which sorted out the FRBs from the rest.

I did my good deed for the day releasing a lamb that had got its head stuck in a fence. Just as well nobody was there to take a photo as I lined up behind the lamb, grabbed it by the shoulders and yanked it backwards.

Satisfied by chip butties we were a happy bunch of hashers by the time it came to the circle. DDs were awarded to:

1. Durex (name label on socks), and Gobalot and Wiggle ('left' and 'right' markings on socks);
2. Malteaser - misleading the other harriettes in Repton;
3. Welcome back for Major Tosser;
4. Lionel who had just returned from Greece and was blamed for their monetary crisis. We had a referendum to decide that he was indeed guilty; and
5. The hares, Seaman Stains and Catflap for a good hash.




On On...Durex

Trail as done by Durex