MH3 Run 282. Masons Arms, Mickleover. Xmas trail

Masons Arms, Mickleover, Xmas 2016 (photo by NJ)

MH3 Run 282
Date: Monday 12th December 2016
Location: Masons Arms, Mickleover(DE3 0DL)
Hares: Lionel and Dobber
Weather: Mild with rain in the air
Pack size: 22



How to get a large pack - forget about good weather, just provide mince pies, free beer and lots of Christmas cheer! This was an excellent turn out for the annual MH3 Christmas trail including Nose Job and Soggy Balls from the Bull Moon Hash and Mary, a new hasher from Etwall. Beer Barbie and Ond also made a suprise return appearance.
The trail was just right for a Christmas trail, not too long and a well decorated Christmas tree in the middle of nowhere. This tree was close to the 'false' bar on the Mickleover railway trail so hashers regrouped around it to sing a few carols whilst the On On was sought. Although from Mickleover myself, I rarely get around a trail here without going badly astray. Tonight was an exception.
Hashers assembled upstairs in the Masons Arms. I never realised there was a room upstairs but then I've never gone into the Ladies here before either. Mrs Dobber provided the excellent mince pies and, in the tradition of the MH3 Xmas trail, tonight there was no circle but free beer for everyone.
Thanks to Dobber and Lionel the hares for the evening. Hashy Christmas everyone.
On On
Durex

Trail as run by Durex

MH3 Run 281. Hawk and Buckle, Etwall

Supermoon over the On Inn

RUN #281

Date : Monday 14th November 2016
Location: Hawk and Buckle, Etwall
Hares:Lionel, Catflaps and Seaman Stains
Weather: Dry, mild with a supermoon
Pack size: 14

This was a hash with a lot going on. The trail was done under the light of a supermoon, the last time we may have seen it this big Lionel was only 2 years old and the other three birthday celebrants (Seaman Stains, Oriface, and Catflaps) weren't even born. With the moon at its 'perigee' it is 5% bigger than average. Although cloudy we did get several good glimpes of the full moon out on the darkness of the trail. I look forward to seeing the next one on MH3 run 497 in 2034.
We also had a newcomer to MH3 - Ernie - a hash virgin a week ago but did his first trail with QH3 eight days before and has already 'earned' a hashname. If you've got an hour to spare Gobalot will explain its origin.
Seaman Stains was still here and took the opportunity to set the r*nners trail. Whilst the many walkers strolled around the small village that is Etwall, other hashers were sent on a trip to Hilton that included a long stretch of 1.7 miles along the Mickleover cycle path. Oriface recorded a distance 5.0 miles and time of 1hr:00min:00sec - a perfect distance and time for a hash trail.

260th Birthday Cake. A candle for each celebrant
accumulating 60+65+65+70 years between them

At the On Inn we were treated to chip butties and a chocolate birthday cake, how could this be anything other than a good run! Dobber led the circle inside awarding DDs to the following:
1. Ernie, first Mickleover trail;
2. Trianal, shoes still glowing, today's FRB;
3. Oriface, NOT complaining?;
4. Three that usually do well to avoid the hash, Louise, Slapper and Miss Frequently;
5. Gobalot took one for her 41st wedding anniversary, Oriface having treated her to a night out with chip butties.

The hares were thanked for setting the trail and Seaman Stains and Miss Frequently wished well for their removal to Devon.



On On..... Durex 

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 280. Bluebell Inn, Melbourne

A sign of things to come? Mobility scooters parked outside the On Inn

MH3 Run 280
Date: Monday 17th October 2016
Location: Bluebell Inn, Melbourne
Hares: Gobalot and Oriface
Weather: Clear skies with nr. full moon
Pack size: 10

The question I had before this trail was "could the hares, freshly back from their USA adventures, find a sufficiently long trail around the small town of Melbourne without resorting to night-time manoeuvers in the dark countryside?" Yes they could, and a fine trail it was. Even with a temporary fairground occupying part of the town, sufficient pathways were found including a stretch along the disused railway. Torches were certainly needed as 75% was along unlit paths/roads but no shiggy fields or the need to disturb sleeping cattle or sheep.
The pack split in two from the start with walkers Dobber and Catflaps setting a casual pace at the back and r*nners Wriggle, Ballcrusher, Artless Dodger and myself trying to keep Trianal in sight. Seaman Stains defies classification, although walking, was seen checking at the front of the pack on several occasions. The hares popped up at random points around the trail just to make sure I was checking for bars at the end of every false trail. Just look at all those false trails I did on the GPS map link below!
Alas the fairground was closing down as we arrived back in town - no rides on the Helter-Skelter this time.

In the circle RA Dobber made the following awards: 
1. Seaman Stains for walking around faster than many of the pack. Rumour has it that he is fitted with a transponder. Maybe his final MH3 hash?
2. Ballcrusher was seen appearing through hedges like a badger - hedge hunter.
3. Trianal got his usual DD for being all over the place though for once on the right trail, just too far out in front to be seen or heard.
4. Catflaps for leading Dobber astray. And I thought you just had to follow flour.
5. Hares Gobalot and Oriface were thanked for a good trail.

On On ..Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 279. The Half Moon, Littleover.

MH3 Run 279
Date: Monday 12th September 2016
Location: The Half Moon Inn, Littleover
Hare: Durex
Weather: Warm and dry
Pack size: 12

With temperatures set to soar this was like a mid-summer's evening, except it got dark at 7:30 pm. It's the time of year when hashers have to adjust to running in urban areas and in the dark. Torches and bright coloured attire required. The pack managed to find its way around eventually, but only after missing a check in the 'dark patch' allowed fast-walking Seaman Stains to take the lead. Parts of the trail were familiar, other bits were new and certainly joined up in a novel way. Nobody got lost and the walkers were already back in the beer garden before the main pack arrived.
The Half Moon is a good pub for an On-Inn. Dobber awarded DDs as follows:
1. Seaman Stains for smooching on the hash (with his wife);
2. Wriggle for 'window shopping', B*gger having left early escaped this award;
3. Smutley and Woggle coming dressed for autumn weather;
4. Durex the hare was thanked for the run; and
5. Lionel for having the 'wrong trousers'.


On On ..Durex

Trail as set by Durex

MH3 Run 278. Chequers Inn, Stanton-by-dale

MH3 Run 278
Date: Monday 15th August 2016
Location: Chequers Inn, Stanton-by-dale
Hare:Butcher's Dog
Weather: Hot and sunny
Pack size: 15



A good-sized pack and a lovely summer's evening for a run around Stanton by Dale. The hare (Butcher's Dog) promised us a c.5-mile trail and a walkers' shortcut had also been laid to cater for the usual group of MH3 walkers which this week included Beer and Loathing. It was quite apparent from an early stage that this trail was not going to go where we thought it should do. That's what hashing is about. At first it looked as though we were heading out towards Dale Abbey but then the trail cut back behind the village and headed eastwards under the M1 and into Sandiacre. There were a number of fallers again this week. I suddenly found myself two feet shorter when I put my left leg down a hay-covered hole. Fortunately, I wasn't travelling at my usual great speed and just gently keeled over. Pull-Through (?) (son of Lightning Rod) chose a slightly harder surface to trip on - a busy road - and for a second  hash in a row we had blood spilt on the hash (Gobalot's scars are healing nicely).
No sheep on the trail this week though plenty of horses for a bit of horseplay.
After the walkers had been diverted along a shorter route, the FRBs got a chance to stretch their legs. Good checks kept the pack more-or-less together. This included a section across the Erewash Valley golf course where the public footpath passes across half-a-dozen fairways. On a weekend a long line of hashers makes a good target for golfers, fortunately for the hash all the golfers had gone home. The hare counted us out and counted us all back in!
The MH3 August trail is usually set to celebrate Butcher's Dog's birthday and today was no exception. Cake at the On Inn guaranteed a favourable run discussion.
RA Dobber gave out the following awards:
1. Durex - abusing the RA, something about a narrow gate and the need for vaseline;
2. Lionel (Roy Rogers) - the horses caused him to move more quickly than usual;
3. Pull Through (?) - tripping over the road kerb (kerb crawling?);
4. Welcome backs for Smutley and Ballcrusher;
5. Oriface - rapidly approaching 65;
7. Butcher's Dog, the hare awarded a 'good run' to the tune of hashy birthday; and finally;
8. Gobalot - whilst our athletes are achieving medals in Rio for their skill and athleticism, she got first prize in the Ticknall village show for putting a bunch of flowers in a vase! 

Where's the summer gone? We're looking for a hare to set September's trail.

On On ..Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 277. White Hart, Stanley

MH3 Run 277
Date: Monday 11th July 2016
Location: White Hart, Stanley
Hare:Lightning Rod
Weather: Dry amongst heavy and localised showers
Pack size: 12



 At ON OUT time (19:15) the hare was missing, presumed still out laying the trail, so we had to set off without hearing his advice or excuses. Fortunately, Jelly Knob's flour detection capability was working well and he was able to lead us out of the village in the right direction. The first mile went pretty well, flour markings surviving on the swampy fields, the crossing of which was made made more difficult by the paths being churned up by herds of wildebeest, or suchlike. We then entered a zone where there had obviously been a recent heavy downpour and flour became difficult to find. After checking paths in several directions we temporarily lost Diarrhoea whilst special forensic teams were sent out to recheck paths. After a further mile along the trail we were rejoined by Diarrhoea and the hare on a stretch which obviously hadn't been rained upon.
We came to a point where a shorter trail had been marked and here the hare advised that, given the length of the run (it had taken 3 hours to set!), hashers were recommended to take this shorter route. This advice came too late for Diarrhoea, Jelly Knob and myself who had already set off along the 'long' loop. After about half-a-mile flour became washed out again and we lost the trail on the main road at Morley. Experienced hashers that we are, it was inevitable that if we turned left we would pick up the trail again, and so we did after a short break of about 500 m. Jelly Knob, possibly guided by the road sign to Stanley, turned left along Centenary Way, whilst Diarrhoea and myself, interested to see what bits of the trail we may have missed, went right in the other direction. Hard luck Jelly Knob who found himself going around backwards.
From this point the flour was very fresh and had not been rained upon and marked checks suggested that we were no longer on the long loop but following those that had taken the 'shorter' option. Indeed, shortly after the end of the Great Northern Greenway cycle path (which one day will extend all the way to Ilkeston), we came upon Gobalot, Oriface and B*gger, so the running pack was again reunited. Paths were covered with slugs and flour blobs were observed to be a heaving pile of the aforementioned. 
Shortly after this Gobalot choose an unfortunate place to take a tumble, on a gravel covered hardcore track. A lot of blood and grit-filled cuts but no apparent structural damage. The windmill at West Hallam was spotted on the horizon and we knew we were on our way back to Stanley. At the ON INN all the walkers plus Jelly Knob were already enjoying their first pint of 'Proper Job' beer. Only the hare, Lightning Rod, was absent, presumably sweeping the trail in every direction for any stray hashers.
In the circle the following awards were given by Dobber: 1. Seaman Stains - RA abuse; 2. Gobalot - for getting 'gravelled on the hash; 3. Malteaser - for harvesting elder flowers on the hash; 4. Durex - for instigating the production of elder flower champagne and keeping it to himself; 5. Catflaps - part time joiner open to doing commissions. In view of the rain we had had in recent days it was suggested he could help Noah with his Ark; and 6. Lightning Rod, the hare. With various wild beasts sighted and a challenging trail, we reckoned he had given us 90% of what we wanted. A long trail made more difficult by the weather is always something to be remembered. Well done Lightning Rod for a good run this evening and despite everything, we all got back to the pub before darkness.

On On ..Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 276. The Horseshoe, Tatenhill

MH3 Run 276
Date: Monday 6th June 2016
Location: The Horseshoe, Tatenhill
Hare:Captain Oates
Weather: Dry and Sunny
Pack size: 14



Captain Oates' trails are always something to look forward to and today's run was no exception. You only have to look at the GPS map trace of the trail (link below) to see his imaginative approach to trail laying. This was not your ordinary symmetrically shaped route. Who else would make us run three quarters of a mile along one side of a fence and then back along the other side? The National Forest with its extra permissive paths makes such interesting routes possible. The first check set the tone, three blobs of flour (four if you use the Gobalot counting method) then a plan B at a public footpath buried in stinging nettles, i.e. return to the check and go somewhere else. The trail laying strategy worked well. The Artless Dodger caught up even though he arrived 20 minutes late, Trianal was kept in view for most of the run, and even the walkers were forced to do a decent trail and some checking. The pack was kept together, for this I was grateful as I am slowly getting back to running. Even at the aforementioned trail down both sides of the fence I declined to accept the obvious shortcut and follow the walkers. Short-cutting and then publishing the GPS map does not do the trail full justice, so I felt obliged to do the whole trail. Lengthwise this was relatively short (3.8 miles), though I didn't do the checking others hashers were kept busy with. Time-wise it was just right taking not long over an hour. No complaints with nice weather and a new location for the hash, though with the return of B*gger to hashing we all noted that his complaints had been missed.
The circle was held in the beer garden shared with the occasional quacking of ducks and the farting of two hairy pigs, smelt though not always heard. Dobber led the circle awarding DDs to: Artless Dodger (20 minutes late); Trianal (staying with the pack this week); Gobalot (unable to count flour blobs); Catflaps (missing a check and so misleading the walkers); Ballcrusher (must be summer now he's seen on hashes); B*gger (welcome back, we've missed his complaining); Oriface (already a cripple with a foot injury managed to twist his other ankle); and the hare, Captain Oates, who for this excellent sheepfest and trail was awarded the accolade of a good trail.

Well done Captain Oates, oN oN ...Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 275. Holly Bush, Makney

MH3 Run 275
Date: Monday 16th May 2016
Location: Holly Bush Inn, Makeney
Hare:Trianal
Weather: Dry
Pack size: 12



This was the 275th run of the Mickleover Hash House Harriers though recorded as run 269 by Dobber to make up for his omission in run numbering last November. Well at least we'll all be using the same run number from next month!
Today was a Trianal trail so on past experience hashers were expecting an eventful trail and they were not disappointed. Knowing this was going to be a long trail I had no hesitation opting for a walk with the walkers, as opposed to walking the whole trail like Seaman Stains does. Even the hare's complaints about self inflicted damage done to himself on a downhill cycling incident didn't dim our expectations that Trianal would still manage a long and hilly route.
Catflaps, Lionel, Dobber and myself had an enjoyable leisurely walk of just over 3 miles in an hour. We had an hour drinking by ourselves before the first of the main pack huffed and puffed their way in (Beer 'n' Loathing and Lightning Rod) having lost the trail somewhere along the way. They were followed by Gobalot and Oriface then, as it was getting dark, some two and a quarter hours and 7.5 miles into the run the stragglers arrived including Barritone, Seaman Stains and Malteaser, the latter having twisted an ankle. Good job Barritone's train wasn't until 11:20 pm.
Awards were given to: Gobalot (window shopping in Belper); Malteaser (spending much of the trail talking on her phone); Lionel (recounting the 10 most common medical complaints when you get old); Seaman Stains (walking around the whole trail); Barritone (excellent planning in aiming to get the late train back home); and, finally, the hare Trianal, whose trail met the standards we have come to expect from him.

Walkers' Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 274. Hollybrook, Heatherton

MH3 Run 274
Date: Monday 11th April 2016
Location: Hollybrook, Heatherton
Hares: Durex and Malteaser
Weather: Wet
Pack size: 12



It's been a while since we've hashed from the Hollybrook but I thought this location on the edge of Mickleover, and at the fringes of the Derby urban area, would be a good venue for our first BST trail this year. Too bad the weather was miserable, grey and wet with the sunset feeling as though it was 2 hours earlier than expected.
Dobber welcomed us to trail No. 275 - I must remember to ask why all this year there appears to have been a trail that escaped my attention. As RA he can call runs whatever number he wants, but now this numbering is also having an detrimental impact on Diarrhoea's hashing log.
Malteaser led the pack of walkers on a short-cut from the start so as to avoid the muddy fields encountered by the remaining pack of six. Indeed, the walkers managed several strategic short-cuts that meant we all more-or-less arrived back at the pub (in darkness) at about the same time. Seaman Stains (classification very fast walker) with his local knowledge and speed did manage to keep in contact with the r*nners for most of the way.
It was cheap beer and quiz night in the Hollybrook, the former appreciated by most and the latter enjoyed by a few. Gobalot and Malteaser signed up for the quiz (see footnote) which had to wait for Dobber to finish our indoor circle before the questioning could commence.
In the circle the following were awarded with DDs:

Tonight's hares, Durex and Malteaser 
(photo by Diarrhoea)

1. Gobalot - should of gone to spec savers - unable to see Trianal who was standing right next to her at the On Out;
2. Beer 'n Loathing for forgetting to bring any money;
3. Diarrhoea and Woggle for being 'Phobile Mones', something to do with their mobile phone usage for the hash; and
4. Malteaser and Durex as hares for setting the trail.


Footnote:
The quiz prolonged our enjoyment of the evening no end. Did Gobalot have to walk home alone along the A50? We left some time after 11:00 pm having to wait for the announcement of the results. For those of you that missed the end:

• Mickleover Hash House Harriers finished just outside the prizes in fourth place, not too far behind the winning team
• Wriggle correctly identified the Billy Idol photo
• Holly Willougby tops breast honours list for the second year running on National Cleavage Day (I had to check this out in Google)
• Smithies is Gay
• OBTS was 'Once bitten twice shy'
• the household anagram was 'toilet roll holder'

There was a request from Oriface that we don't choose On Inns with Quiz nights.

Trail as laid by Durex
Trail as swept by hare

MH3 Run 273, Bridge Inn, Duffield

MH3 Run 273
Date: Monday 14th March 2016
Location: Bridge Inn, Duffield
Hares: Oriface and Gobalot
Weather: Dry and starry night
Pack size: ?

Didn't attend this trail so no report is available. However, my Hash Intelligence Agency (HIA - I know 'intelligence' and 'hash' don't sit well together) suggest it was a well crafted trail around the alleyways of Duffield.

MH3 Run 272, Swan Inn, Littleover

MH3 Run 272
Date: Monday 15th February 2016
Location: Swan Inn, Littleover
Hares: Seaman Stains
Weather: Dry and cold
Pack size: 13




Despite the forecast of the coldest night of the winter a respectable pack of 13 turned out for tonight's trail. The pack rapidly split into 'walkers' and 'r*nners' the latter being pulled along fast by Artless Dodger and Born Hashing (a welcome back who was probably twice as tall as the last time we saw him).
Pretty early on the hash, after disappearing straight down a road with no flour, the pack learnt that this hare was not adverse to sudden changes of the side of road to run on, often pealing off up a minor side road.
We managed to get most of the way around with the pack keeping together until the last check with the On Inn almost in sight. Here repeated checking failed to find the trail and most headed on the most direct route to the pub. The exception being Gobalot and Oriface who claim to have found the subtle, less direct loop back.
The White Swan was an good choice for an On Inn - good beer and the clincher being several bowls of excellent chips. 
Due to the rather cold weather outside, the circle was held indoors led by Dobber with DDs to:

1. Jelly Knob, local knowledge didn't help.
2. Lionel, a DD to shut him up and stop his attempts at singing.
3. Born Hashing welcome back.
4. Gobalot for shocking Oriface by paying the MH3 subs.
5. Durex and Dobber Hashy birthday.
6. Hare Seaman Stains for a well crafted trail around Littleover

On On
Durex

Trail as run by Durex

MH3 Run 271, Exeter Arms, Derby

MH3 Run 271
Date: Monday 11th January 2016
Location: Exeter Arms, Derby
Hares: Gobalot with a little help from Oriface
Weather: Hint of drizzle in the air and feeling more like winter
Pack size: 13




The threat of drizzle faded and run 271 was done on a dry albeit cold evening. Having set many previous January MH3 trails from the centre of Derby in blizzards, deep snow and treacherously icy conditions, our hares today - Gobalot (chief hare) and Oriface (Helper) - got off lightly with the January weather.
Excellent choice of On Inn, the Exeter Arms, winner of the Derby CAMRA Food & Drink, Pub of the Year for the last three years. It's certainly in my top three favourite Derby pubs the only gripe as a Hash location being the lack of any nearby free parking before 8 pm. We parked on the road right outside the pub paying for an hour's parking (£2.20). Certainly a warm atmosphere inside with much of the pack staying on to do the quiz.
The hare promised us with some precision a trail of 4.8 miles and that's exactly what I did. I know my way around Derby but frequently found myself at the back repeatedly passing super-walker Seaman Stains. By the time we got to Markeaton Park on the A38 the pack was becoming well spread out, Butcher's Dog probably back in the pub already, Trianal who knows where, and Malteaser after disappearing down a long check finding herself bringing up the rear behind Seaman Stains who, although a walker, usually gets around the whole trail in about the same time as the r*nners. The hares made good use of a more direct route and often popped up in front of us (a small sub-group of Artless Dodger, Lightning Rod, Jelly Knob and myself) at strategic points towards the end.
For the hares, not so much a Derby trip down memory lane as a trip across THE Zebra Crossing - the place where they first met 41 years ago.

The circle was led by Dobber in the somewhat cooler back room of the Exeter Arms. On the day the death of David Bowie was announced Lionel took the first DD as being the representative of someone from another planet. Trianal got his customary DD for many reasons, dressed like a vicar, forcing us to move from the cosy room in the pub and checking out the trail before everyone else had arrived. Malteaser got the third DD for hugging the rug, or should I say hogging it. The pub had kindly provided fleece blankets to keep us warm in the cool room though Malteaser kept the one big enough for three persons to herself. Seaman Stains got the penultimate DD for his competitive walking. The Final DD of course went to the hares for an excellent trail, just right for a cold winter's evening.

On On
Durex

Trail as run by Durex

MH3 Run 270. Masons Arms, Mickleover

MH3 Run 270
Date: Monday 7th December 2015
Location: Masons Arms, Mickleover(DE3 0DL)
Hares: Cat Flaps & Lionel
Weather: Dry and Mild
Pack size: 15




The annual MH3 Christmas trail was, as usual, done at the heart of Mickleover from the Masons Arms. Very 'unlike Christmas' weather but many of the pack had Christmas hats and Jelly Knob was lighted up like a Christmas tree. The urban area of Mickleover always provides a challenging route for the hash pack with its numerous streets and alley ways and wide spacing of flour blobs en route spread out the pack, particularly at checks. It was a short trail of just over 3 miles meaning we were quickly back to the On Inn to enjoy the beer and mince pies provided by the hash. Although dispersed we lost nobody and the walkers and the r*nners arrived back at more-or-less the same time. As is the tradition for the MH3 Christmas trail, there was no concluding circle so we could concentrate on the social drinking (and eating). Thanks to Cat Flaps and Lionel for setting the hash. Happy Christmas and Hashy New Year to all Mickleover hashers...
On On
Durex

Trail as run by Durex

MH3 Run 269. Furnace Inn, Derby

MH3 Run 269
Date: Monday 9th November 2015
Location: Furnace Inn, Derby(DE1 3BX)
Hare: Trianal
Weather: Mild and windy after day of rain
Pack size: 14


Today the weather was not the sort you would want to lay a hash trail in. Wind to blow away the flour and what does reach the ground gets washed away by the heavy rain.  Not that tonight's pack was bothered, the rain had stopped and there was a mild drying wind. The hare (Trianal) admitted he had used only one bag of flour and there weren't many checks, facts obviously apparent on the trail. There were just two checks in the 6 mile trail, at 2.5 and 3 miles. Is this a record? And yes, hash flour was obviously being saved to make next month's mince pies. 
The main pack was fortunate to have the hare to shepherd us around though after 4 miles the pack size was dwindling with Jelly Knob, Lightening Rod and Oriface deciding to take the direct route back to the Furnace from Pride Park. Seaman Stains (at fast walking speed) miraculously found his way to the 2nd check but followed 'welcome back' Isleof hash virgin Jill along the shortest route back to the On-Inn. Myself, Malteaser and Captain Oates persevered with the trail into the city centre keeping Trianal company. We then lost the hare and infrequent flour blobs and decided it was time to head back to the Furnace via St Marys footbridge. That left Captain Oates as the only hound out on the trail, Given that he was out for another 20 minutes longer than us I'd thought he was the only one to find and complete the whole trail with the hare's help. However, both admitted to giving up on the final loop. The SCBs, an injured B*gger, Dobber, Lionel and Catflaps, fared no better on the trail being misdirected by an arrow towards the city centre after less than half-a-mile.
As always, the Furnace was a most welcoming On-Inn - friendly, an excellent choice of real ales, and live music. The trail provoked plenty of discussion though Malteaser could only think of getting her complimentary samosa.
The circle was led by Dobber in the smokers' shed with Oriface put in charge of keeping the lights on. The end of October is a busy time for birthdays and Catflaps and Seaman Stains got the first DD for a hashy birthday. Jelly Knob spent much of the time running by himself and was awarded a DD for the 'Lone Ranger'. Malteaser was punished for scavenging samosas. Isleof was welcomed back but hash virgin Jill, who hadn't been told the full story of what hashing was about, declined a free beer - Yorkshireman Lionel readily stepped in to receive this beer. Captain Oates was thanked for guiding the hare around most of the trail. Hashing has no rules and every trail set is different, Trianal was thanked for setting a trail that will be remembered.
That's the way I saw MH3 Run 269.......On On ...Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 268. Coopers Tavern, Buton-upon-Trent

RUN #268

Date : Monday 19th October 2015
Location: Coopers Tavern, Burton-upon-Trent (DE14 1EG) 
Hare: Captain Oates
Weather: Continuing Dry
Pack size: 11




Captain Oates is now an experienced hare and it's beginning to show - another excellent trail from the Coopers Tavern in Burton-upon-Trent. This is a great real 'real ale' pub with a fantastic selection of beers, good atmosphere and a range of traditional pub food though, for the majority of hashers snacking, this was pork pies of increasing sizes.
Captain Oates kept this one simple but this town lends itself to interesting hash trails with many paths at split levels crossing over one another, as demonstrated by the GPS trace below. The hare also helpfully informed us that at cross-roads, and there's lots of those in this town, the trail was always straight on unless marked with a check. With the likes of Trianal, Jelly Knob, Beer & Loathing and the Artless Dodger this was always going to be a fast moving pack. 
There were plenty of excellent checks that shuffled the pack after long straight stretches that sorted out the tortoise from the gazelles. I'd love to do a hash in Burton in daylight so I could work out how all those different parks, bridges rivers and canals join up. It was certainly dark in parts with fallen leaves hiding flour blobs until you were on top of them.

The hare made use of the cross sign. On many hashes around the world this would mark the end of a false trail. As previously used by Wriggle, we use it in a self-evident way - cross [the road] here.

The circle was held inside the snug solely used by the hash. Dobber, MH3 RA, GM, Hash Cash, Hare razor and any other hash role you can think of, handed out awards as follows:
1. Jelly Knob - welcome back.
2. Trianal - who didn't actually go AWOL this time but nevertheless managed to run more than a mile further than everyone else.
3. Durex took the DD that was meant for Malteaser. She was wearing the same head torch as Jelly Knob who broke the news that it was a really cheap buy. Malteaser was devastated to learn this about her cherished present - Durex took the blame.
4. Seaman Stains - for eating the biggest pork pie of the evening.
5. Captain Oates - for again successfully laying an excellent and normal trail.

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 267. Hawk and Buckle, Etwall

MH3 Run#267
Date: Monday 14th September 2015
Location: Hawk and Buckle, Etwall
Hare: Seaman Stains
Weather: Dismal but no rain 
Pack size: 12 






It is always nice to have a hash trail in your 'own backyard'. Less than five minutes to get to the On Inn and a familiarity with all the local footpaths that is useful now it gets dark before we have time to complete the trail. Indeed with such dismal weather, and a monsoon-like down-pour less than half-an-hour before the On Out, it was dark before we even started. Credit to the RA, it didn't rain on the pack. It was just Seaman Stains the hare who got his usual soaking whilst setting the trail.
Today if you found flour you were ON which made the checks dead easy and left the SRBs no chance of ever catching up. Captain Oates led from the back all the way and with B*gger managed to loose sight of the pack in the dark and without torches. This meant that progress involved investigating all four sides of a dark field before the exit (hidden by cows) could be found. Most of the pack had managed to change, drink a pint and have several chip butties before they arrive back. It just had to be Captain Oates again out for some time.
This was Horse's Arse's first Mickleover hash trail but he  disappeared before Dobber started the circle - Lightning Rod took his DD. The chips at the On Inn were much appreciated and Oriface was rewarded for pointing out that this meant we were not only a drinking club with a running problem, but we were also a body building club eating such food. Beer and Loathing stood in the circle dressed as though he had just come off the ski slopes complete with a a man-bag stolen from a London Transport conductor. His DD was followed by Malteaser representing the only harriette on this evening trail. Durex was also given a DD for the concern he showed when B*gger and Captain Oates went missing on the trail.
Finally, the hare Seaman Stains was thanked for setting the run - remember never put your washing out on a day when he's laying a hash trail.

On On...Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 266. Carpenters Arms, Dale Abbey

MH3 Run#266
Date: Monday 10th August 2015
Location: Carpenters Arms, Dale Abbey (DE7 4PP)
Hare: Butcher's Dog
Weather: Dry and sunny
Pack size: 11 





This is one of my favourite pubs for a hash trail. There's always a good selection of real ales, good food and the pub sits in a one kilometre square that contains 6 km of public footpaths. Plenty of scope there for the hare to set some good false trails. Though it's no surprise that with all these footpaths we always manage to upset a local farmer. This time it was Lightning Rod, following the public footpath sign, but down the wrong side of the hedge. Several of us missed the well-marked style and opted to go over a gate tied with string.

Malteaser was first to the holding check at the
Hermitage. Further evidence to support the
charge of competitive hashing

The pack rapidly formed into two groups or should I say three on account of Beer and Loathing's lateness. A good number of checks in the first mile meant the r*nners were always in sight of The Dobber's walking group. It wasn't until we had the uphill climb to the Hermitage that we lost the walkers. From there we headed eastwards towards Stanton-by-Dale along paths I've not previously trod. I had to r*n and make mental notes about footpath condition at the same time as my contribution to the Ramblers' Big Footpath Watch.
By the time I'd returned to the On Inn, having run the perfect hash length of five miles, the walkers were well into their first pint in the beer garden. The hare is known for her wonderful cakes and for her birthday hash had made some lovely rocky-road type chocolate cakes which went down extremely well and ensured this was voted as a good hash trail.

The Dobber awarded DDs to:

1. Beer and Loathing (hashy birthday and latecomer);
2. Malteaser - competitive hashing (the only harriette in today's pack);
3. Lightening Rod for managing to upset a farmer - should have gone to Spec Savers;
4. Ballcrusher who was doing a lot of dobbing today;
5. Seaman Stains for advertising the virtue of Barton Bus' group zig-zag to do a B&B (Beer and Buses) day out around the East Midlands - Dick Barton Special Agent!; 
6. Diarrhoea for a long catalogue of how to do things for nothing - 'cheap steak'; and
7. The hare Butcher's Dog for an excellent trail.

Did Smutley really go to Darley Abbey?

On On...Durex

Trail as done by Durex