Tuesday, 27 January 2015

QH3 Run 857. The Old Volunteer, Carlton, Nottingham

RUN #857
Date : Monday 26th January 2015 (19:15)
Location: The Old Volunteer (NG4 3DQ)
Hare:Butt Plug
Weather: Dark, dry and not too cold
Pack size: 5

The Old Volunteer is not a pub I can remember running from before but it is an excellent pub to set a hash trail from and we highly recommend it. Good selection of real ales (well it is the Flipside Microbrewery!), friendly staff and good food. The complimentary pork pie put this in as an earlier nomination for 2015 On Inn of the year.
This was one of the longer journeys I have had to make to a local hash - 1.5 hours to get there on account of having to pass through Derby and Nottingham at the tail-end of the rush hour. It was indeed a small select pack tonight with three having made the trip from Derby (Malteaser, Durex and Trianal), one from Lichfield (Captain Oates), and our local hare Butt Plug. Disappointingly, there was nobody from Nottingham. 
Five unhappy face checks were placed where a pub had shut down
Having whinged about the time taken to get here, we couldn't complain about the weather for a January trail - mild and dry.
The hare started making excuses before we set off. Something about the roads looking flat in the map book. This is Carlton so we knew what to expect, certainly not a flat run. The hare also warned us of some unusual hash marks on the way around, namely, 'unhappy face' checks and some embroidery stitch flour blobs. The former it transpired marked the sites of now closed pubs (The Windsor, The Earl of Chesterfield, Toby Jug, Carlton Hotel and the Blue Note (formerly the Cavendish)). The embroidery stitch blobs across a driveway where for the benefit of Hash Haberdashery. Does the skill of today's hare know no limits. He actually managed to mimic the classical 'running stitch'.
If you were on an urban hash with only three others, knowing there was lots of checking to be done, who would you choose to be with? Wifey of course, but Captain Oates ('I may be gone for some time') and Trianal ('now you see him, now you don't')? Fears were realised in the first 100 m when these two headed off up the road missing the obvious flour to crossover the road in another direction. However, things did improve as the hash progressed probably due to the numerous hills up which the pack found a common pace, slow.
Down a long hill stretch the break-away group of Malteaser, Durex and Trianal came a bit unstuck when we all missed a check which left us puzzled for a while when the flour stopped. This gave the hare and Captain Oates a chance to arrive at the On Inn first, though not before Butt Plug had shortened the last bit of the hash trail by strategically placing a wheelie bin over a bar.
Only three Down-Downs were awarded by the Curate (Captain Oates) standing in for the RA in view of the latter's haring duties. Malteaser got the first DD for calling 'On On' based only on a blob of flour and two fag packets. Trianal got greeted by a youth during the trail as though he was his long-lost father, an event worthy of the second DD. And finally, the hare got thanked for a good run, indeed 44% considering the flatness of the trail. Most of you missed an excellent trail and On Inn.

That's the way I saw it.....Durex

Trail as done by Durex

Monday, 19 January 2015

QH3 Run 856. The Organ Grinder, Loughborough

RUN #856
Date : Sunday 18th January 2015
Location: The Organ Grinder, Loughborough (LE11 2TY)
Hares:Too Tuf and Chicki
Weather: Winter sunshine on cold crisp morning. Iced puddles
Pack size: 16

Today we had very experienced hashers as the hares. Too Tuf (now in his 32nd year of hashing) along with Chicki set this Loughborough trail the day before and had the confidence to turn up at the Organ Grinder 15 minutes after the pack had left. There was ice on the ground though not as bad as our previous trail. Through the town the checks meant the pack stayed together, and even the walkers - Wallington and newcomer Elizabeth - kept up with the pace. Intelligent trail finding meant we even spotted where a check should have been. We all recognised that some considerate person had washed and swept a flour circle off the pavement.

Hashing out of Loughborough past the cemetery and into Quorn-land reminded me of some of the earlier days of Quorn hashing when this area used to be more popular with the hash. Once out into the country- and canal-side Too Tuf was able to set has trademark long checks, no markings for a long distance then three quick blobs of flour. Chris (no hash name) had an enjoyable experience when he touched an electric fence. I thought he was trying to kick-start his pacemaker so he could keep up with the FRBs - a chance missed for a good hash name!

Too Tuf pointed out that the substantial new railway footbridge was virgin trail AND it had a weight limit with a certain weight conscious harriette in mind. Over the bridge the track had a good spattering of shiggy and iced-over puddles. I had a conversation with Goblin regarding the fact that on a normal hash day B*gger would probably without any good reason wade through these. He didn't disappoint.

The hash this year is setting a high standard for On Inns, The Organ Grinder providing a fantastic range of good real ales. By the time we had the circle outside it felt as though the sun had set and it was indeed very cold precipitating a lot of wanking in the circle - hands in pockets is a punishable offence.

The RA Butt Plug got in numerous drinks for awards/punishments, I believe most were for Captain Oates who unfortunately disappeared before the circle - something about having to go to work. His was going to be the first DD for asking a customer "to pull him off". Instead, this went to Durex for "filling in his Uncle Michael" using his mobile during the trail. Chris (NHN) got a DD to revive him from his shocking experience and Elizabeth a DD for a rare hash virgin. Then we had a big award for 1800 timers! This had been accumulating over many months and Durex and Barritone got their 500x shirts, and Wallington and Malteaser their 400x ones. Collectively these dedicated hashers have contributed over £2,500 to hash funds and covered some 10,000 miles between them. Dope and Heroin were given DDs as welcome backs. 
"Here's to the 1800 timers.." Durex (500x), Malteaser (400x), Wallington (400x) and Barritone (500x)

Caption competition - Who said what to Too Tuf to cause that face!

The hares were then thanked for a good run though I have no record of a 42% score being awarded. Future runs were announced and our hare razor (Too Tuf) will be grateful to vet hare applications for trails in the coming months.

On On,

Trail as done by Durex

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

MH3 Run 259. Furnace Inn, Derby

MH3 Run 259
Date: Monday 12th January 2015
Location: Furnace Inn, Derby(DE1 3BX)
Hares: Malteaser and Durex
Weather: Holding out until the last hound was back!
Pack size: 20

The Furnace Inn is everything a good hash On Inn should be. Fantastic range of real ales, good traditional bar snacks, dog and people friendly, and well placed for public transport links on the edge of Derby city. The weather forecast for the day was not so - good high winds and heavy rain all day.

In view of the rain, the two hares laid separate halves of the trail so flour was as fresh as possible. Almost, but not quite, a live hare as Durex arrived back at the pub at 19:16. Fortunately, the two halves met but it was generally agreed, and demonstrated by the length of time spent on checks, Malteaser set the more challenging part of the trail. The check at the Toll bridge above the Abbey was very effective in turning around Beefeater and most of the FRBs (Trianal excepted) who really wanted to go the quickest way back to the pub. It was also our good fortune that the rain front spent most of the day just north of Lichfield and didn't arrive until the last hounds - Spike and Barritone - had completed this five-mile trail (OK about six with checks).

A big circle was held held inside the pub. First DD went to Lightening Rod for competitive checking. Most of our local hashes have relatively small pack sizes and we can't afford to have everyone checking the same false trail! Diarrhoea was seen abusing a dog (he jumped over it - there's a nursery rhyme there somewhere) and hare Malteaser stepped in to apologise to the owner. We had some returners, namely, Woggle and Spike - I noticed Dobber didn't use the term 'welcome backs'. Butcher's Dog got a samosa DD as she was dry for January. And finally the hares got thanked for a good run in the traditional manner. 

Once the circle was finished, Diarrhoea pointed out that the RA had missed an opportunity to punish Beefeater for misusing his torch in the Gents. This prompted a spate of typical Diarrhoea toilet humour.

That's the way MH3 run 259 happened.......On On ...Durex

Trail as swept by CoHare Durex (ie. no false trails)

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

QH3 Run 855. Navigation Inn, Breaston

RUN #855
Date : Sunday 4th January 2015
Location: Navigation Inn, Breaston (DE72 3BP)
Hare: Barritone
Weather: Frosty and cold with nice sunshine when the mist lifted
Pack size: 14

This was a cold morning and the hare arrived back from setting this trail with dire warnings of treacherous ice on paths. This proved correct and the pack used roadside pavements with great caution. It was an excellent trail from Breaston along many paths I've not hashed on before. There was even a history stop at the 'Coffin Stone' along a route known as 'Coffin Walk' or 'Corpse Way'. The pack became well-spread with Butcher's Dog, Lincolnshire Sausage and Chris 'No Hashname yet' setting a fast pace with a following group of Jelly Knob, B*gger, Durex, Malteaser and Diarrhoea
The fun really started when towards the end we had to cross a flooded field, still nicely iced over. Butcher's Dog was said to have walked across the ice, others had to break the ice and wade through icy water. Malteaser took a full length dive into the icy water and was fortunate enough to have Butt Plug on hand to pull her to her feet. As if the icy water wasn't enough, the hare put in another stream crossing just before the On Inn.
In the circle six DDs were awarded. The first went to Butcher's Dog for walking
How to punish Durex in the circle -
give him a pink bag to hold!
on ice. Chicki had  a 'fire in the circle' moment and was also quizzed on the history stop before her DD. Durex was punished by making him hold Chicki's pink bag for the aforementioned DD. Malteaser's attempted luging on the ice was thought worthy of an award. Both Durex and Too Tuf were involved in 'car park wars' - Durex parking considerately within the space next to Butt Plug's car with Too Tuf asserting there was not enough room for Malteaser to get out. The hare Barritone was awarded the final DD for a cool and excellent trail. Our first trail of the year always gets the 'best trail of the year (so far)' treatment. In this case Barritone has set the bar very high.

Trail as done by Durex

Monday, 5 January 2015

AH4 Run 56. The Horns, Ashbourne

RUN #56
Date : Saturday 3rd January 2015
Location: The Horns, Ashbourne (DE6 1GG) 
Hare: Road Pickup
Weather: Wet wet wet
Pack size: 10

So here we go again for another hash year - the first hash trail of 2015 for us was the AH4 run from The Horns, in Ashbourne. At short notice Road Pickup had been made the hare for this event and for her the weather was, as it usually is for runs she sets, very wet. That's the wonder of hashing for you. Why else would you go out on a cold wet Saturday January morning for a run when it would be much nicer doing other things somewhere warmer and drier? The hare recommends self-raising flour for wet weather, I would suggest rice flour may feel more at home in paddy-field conditions.
The pay-and-display machine was broken so we got to park for free in a town not known for its easy parking. The pack huddled together sheltering from the rain in the entrance to The Horns waiting for Skids and Elly to find the pub. Horse's Arse recounted the hand injury inflicted on the last trail, now healing and unaffecting his ability to run. After knee surgery ASB was also present but, with the setting still in slow mode, she was the only walker of the day.
We may have thought the hare would set an easy trail for us being just after Christmas and the weather being so miserable. This was not the case. We got a 5+ mile trail with lots of up-and-downs and plenty of shiggy, a route that took me to parts of Ashbourne I'd not been before, including a few more obscure alleyways I never knew were there.
..and you shall be known in hash circles as Jelly Knob
Today there were no subs collected (Hash Cash was absent!) and we had hash chips and numerous goodies borne by various hashers. This included Jelly Babies brought by Steve at which point the conversation deteriorated regarding the anatomy of the said Jelly Babies. This led very indirectly to Steve getting his hash name today - welcome to the hash Jelly Knob. We warmed to the jelly theme and decided we should also name Elly - Physio Jellic.
Elly had previously received a welcome back with ASB. Malteaser also received a DD for ignoring the fish hook. The hare Road Pickup received the 'good run' accolade and was thanked for setting an excellent trail
Moist has volunteered to do the next run (No 57 again) from the Tavern in Denstone and with Durex setting the March trail we're well set for the start of the hashing year.

AH4 Run 56 Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 854. Lady Bay, West Bridgford, Nottingham

RUN #854
Date : Monday 29th December 2014
Location: Lady Bay, Nottingham (NG2 5BE)
Hare: Butcher's Dog
Weather: Cold and crisp and even
Pack size: 10

B*gger reports:
After pulling into the car park for The Lady Bay at 7:12pm, Butcher's was seen sitting in her car, there was a few other cars present but none belonged to hashers…..  
However, shortly afterwards Trianal arrived by car, Die Rear ambled in having walked ¼ mile from house, then Too Tuf appeared on his own having traipsed the ½ mile from the other side of Bridgford.  The circle was got underway as, it was, to turn a phrase, f**king cold and a mixture of snow and ice on the ground.  The pack was just about to leave when Silent Pants and Clementine rolled in and when they were ready to go, Butt Plug joined us.
Out of the car park and onto the icy roads around the pub then down to the river bank.  A quick blast along the unlit riverside path brought us to a check at Lady Bay Bridge, however, we continued onwards upstream, but at the Grantham canal, we were all called back having failed to see a check. As mentioned earlier the ground was covered in snow but our hare had cunningly mixed curry powder with the flour so you could see it – well if you got to within about 2ft and shone a torch at it you could just about determine whether it was blob of flour or yellow snow…
The next check stuffed us all, until Goblin sniffed it out going down what looked like a dead end but coming out near the TBI.  At Trent Bridge, Trianal re-joined the pack, he had been AWOL for about 10 minutes on the river bank.  The trail headed back towards West Bridgford past the Council Office and the cricket ground, and then into the warren of streets around where Butcher's once lived.  Eventually we made it back on the Grantham canal for a couple of hundred yards then back to the roads and alleyways of Lady Bay and the welcome sight of the pub.
In the pub we found Clementine looking warm – he had been for an amble found some flour then went back.  We had a quietish circle in the pub – virtually all softies. It was a good trail set in hostile conditions - the hare said she got cold at 3.7 miles so cut it short – the GPS plot shows nearer 5 miles, and as we settled down to some Social Drinking – Captain Oates turned up, 5 hours late, after another epic Oatesy saga.

Trail as done by B*gger
That's how the last run of the year was reported to me by B*gger - I was running elsewhere with the Scarborough H3.
Hashy New Year...On On ..Durex

Trail as done by Durex (Scarborough H3 # 2581!)