Thursday, 4 October 2012

AH4 Run 35. Joiners Arms, Quarndon, Derby. 01/09/2012

Venue: Joiners Arms, Quarndon
Hares: Durex and ASB
Weather: Good

Trail (as done by hare on a recce).

This was a run for which I laid the trail, ably assisted by ASB, but missed the actual hash on account of Chicki's birthday celebrations in Leamington Spa on the same day. On this joint run with London H3, on the occasion their brewery trip weekend, I missed the excitement of Enema breaking her wrist on the trail and by all accounts an excellent hash helped by a great crowd from LH3.

Plenty of photo on AH4 Facebook.

QH3 Run 773. Bread and Bitter. Mapperley Top, Nottingham. 1/10/2012

Hare: Butt Plug.
Didn't make this run. 
Unusually a run on the first Monday of the month postponed from the previous week.

Friday, 21 September 2012

QH3 Run 772, The Plough, Ashby de la Zouch. 16/09/2012

Run No: 772
Venue: The Plough Inn, Ashby de la Zouch
Hare: Bugger
Weather: Good enough for Too Tuf not to be RA

At 11:00 there was the hare, Goblin, myself and Malteaser wondering whether this was going to be it for today's run. Then Butt Plug arrived (he was rumoured to be in Spain) transporting the carless Too Tuf, Chicki and Freya. So a well formed circle was able to assemble on the narrow pavement outside the cake shop next to the Plough. Bugger announced there would be fourteen checks on this trail, so there was my challenge for the day - to count them all.
Malteaser provided the first suprise of the day whipping off an undergarment, with one arm in plaster and without anyone noticing, claiming it was too hot. Check 3 was the first one I got correct but was alarmed to see both Malteaser and Chicki running off in a different direction in response to my call ON ON. Distracted myself, and not even at a check, a missed the path to the right and found myself going from front to back in one easy misdirection. Well it was a small pack. At Check 8 I followed the obvious false trail across the bridge over the A511. Too Tuf urging from a distance that I check further whilst the rest of the pack made little progress. It took Goblin with a little local knowledge to find an obvious trail, but with a well hidden entrance, along the south side of the main road. Check 10 also held the pack up well, Butt Plug going a long false trail in completely the wrong direction whilst I went uphill unfortunately on the wrong side of the hedge. I for once started to get checks right, and from Checks 11- 14 the rest of the pack disappeared from the rear view mirror. Back at the ON INN I had time to change and write the first part of this blogg before a diappointed Chicki arrived thinking she was the first one back.
Wallington was sat in the Plough eating his Sunday lunch and Goblin produced a wonderful cake made earlier in the morning with the flour left over from the run. It was a birthday cake for the continuing Chicki special birthday celebrations and much enjoyed by all. In the circle led by Butt Plug there were DDs for:
1: Durex for competitive retirement;
2: Butt Plug for confessing to not knowing where his phone was whilst using it;
3: Goblin for an excellent cake;
4: Chicki for  being Chicki; and
5: The Hare Bugger, for an excellent run.

The run had 14 checks in exactly 6 miles (as run by me - RUN 772). That's one check every 0.43 miles or one check every 0.36 miles if you didn't run any false trails and only did 5 miles. Excellent beer, cake and run. Lots of new hash trail, must be a candidate for hash of the year, any run with cake gets my vote!

Monday, 17 September 2012

QH3 Run 771, The Cricketers, Leamington Spa. 02/09/2012

Venue: The Cricketers, Leamington Spa
Hare: Too Tuf and Chicki
Weather: Good
Date: Sunday 2nd September 2012

This was the end of a week of birthday celebrations for Chicki, with the third QH3 in a row laid by this hashing couple, set in Leamington Spa, the location of the previous night’s birthday party. As a special concession to Chicki we set off 15 minutes late – Chicki time – following the hares that had left laying the trail a mere 20 minutes before. The pack smelt blood.
A remarkably large pack for a Quorn hash (20) set off in pursuit of the hares, including a subgroup of 11 walkers, party left-overs from the night before. We even had the RA (Rasher) making his first appearance since being elected to this role in April. Leamington has some lovely parks, a river and a canal and the hares joined these up to make a excellent trail. Not surprisingly, with Eager Beaver and Rasher present, the pack moved at speed with myself, Smutley, Clementine, Silent Pants and even Wimpy all taking turns in checking duty. Finally, along the canal, about 1 mile from home, I spotted the hares and got within one flour blob of them on a check. Being the sporting gent that I am, I returned to the check point and announced the hares had requested a holding check. This didn’t last long as the pack was baying to catch the hares. A few more checks into the town centre and we’d thought the hares had escaped. They were still laying flour and even put in arrows to help us. Chicki was then spotted darting up a side street, was she a decoy? Don’t be daft, she explained later, how would she find her way back to the pub without TT. So the hares were caught half-a-mile from The Cricketers just as Too Tuf was desperately trying to write the words ON INN. This was the way I did Run 771.
There was a big gap before the walkers arrived. 
Rasher led the circle which concluded that it was a good run, but only after the RA continued to show his many talents with a birthday poem for Chicki tied in with the presentation of some bottles of real ale. 

For Chicki on the occasion of her 50th Birthday! (by Rasher)

Dear Chicki now a certain time has come
That of floppy tits and saggy bum!
Things may fall off and can get scabby
So we hope this bottle will make you feel less crabby!

We have mentioned now your imminent physical rot
Is that your only problem, well no it’s not!
There is the issue of mental lapses
This makes us laugh when logic collapses.
Tuf often does cruel things to fool her
We hope this bottle makes you feel less old and peculiar.

Oh Chicki have we made you sad
Hold on a bit it’s not all bad
You have your mane of long blond hair
This still makes people stop and stare.
You have fantastic pins so long and leggy
They are great and soooo not smeggy.
So on reflection there is a different story
You at your peak, an age of Golden Glory.

What went unnoticed on this hash, was something that should have made for a double celebration. Too Tuf's 500th run with Quorn H3. Something to be no doubt rewarded on a future occasion. 

Sign above the door at the The Cricketers. Its not true, everyone
left Leamington just as ugly

QH3 Run 770, The Willow Tree, W Bridgford. 27/08/2012

Venue: The Willow Tree, West Bridgford
Hare: Chicki
Weather: Just about not raining for the hash
Date: 27th August 2012 (Bank Holiday)

This was Chicki’s “special” birthday hash and, with Too-Tuf, actually managed to arrive at the hash on foot only a few minutes late. This trail was not going to be a live hare! This was a QH3 Monday run but set during daytime for the sad bastards that have nothing better to do on a bank holiday. Butt Plug provided one third of the turnout with rare appearances by Underlay, Should be felt and family. Even Diarrhoea was back making his first QH3 hash for many months after a hashcation in Cyprus.
Chicki, propelled by hash hound Freya, was up with the FRBs until the first check. The pack kept more-or-less together up to the first A52 crossing in Gamston, then Butcher’s Dog took off and led the pack the rest of the way around. Diarrhoea, obviously out of practice, held up the chasing pack with some poor checking.
A second crossing of the A52 was used as an excuse for some to say they had been held up giving me time to run many false trails and still have time to go back and mark the checks.
Birthday girl Chicki. If she was from Mars
she would be just 26.6 years old.
Back at the ON INN Underlay was gloating that Butcher’s Dog had only managed to be the fourth person back – competitive short-cutting. The rain started just as the pack drizzled in. This didn’t stop us having an outside ON INN under the shelter of the large Willow Tree, after which one assumes the pub is named.
Bugger led a rowdy circle at which it was revealed Should be felt was nearly arrested for murder during the week – very 1984. Chicki got a hashy birthday, the first of many I suspect in what is going to be several weeks of celebration.
The hash day was concluded with a hash committee meeting to discuss the forthcoming Great Hucklow weekend. Yes, what we do does take some planning.

This was the way I did Run 770.


Tuesday, 11 September 2012

MH3 Run 231 Bull's Head, Wilson. 10/09/2012

Bull's Head, Wilson
Hare: Gobalot (with a touch of Oriface)
Venue: Bull's Head, Wilson (nr Melbourne)
Weather: Dry

This was the last MH3 trail of the summer and with the imminent setting of the sun the hare was keen to get us off on time at 19:15. A reasonable sized pack, from memory: Bugger, Beer-and-Loathing, Trianal, Organ stops (welcome back after many years) and newcomer Artful. This was a fast moving pack, but still caught by a late Butcher's Dog by check number four despite giving us a five minute start.
No such hurry by Dobber and Lionel who were escorted around the trail by the hare at walking pace.
Hashers and golfers never mix well and Artful nearly had a memorable first Mickleover hash being narrowly missed by a wayward golf ball.
Inevitably the route went up Breedon Hill - sad to see the pub in Breedon has shut down. Immediately Butcher's Dog hit the front of the pack she reached check five which the hare had warned us as a check requiring "alertness". Bugger found the well-disguised path out of the wheat field, but only after Butcher's Dog had checked three false trails.
The long ON-INN followed the disused railway track back to Wilson, I did 4.7 miles in 54 minutes and this was the way I did it - Run 231.
I missed the start of the circle but returning to the bar was immediately awarded a DD for "competitive cashing" having pursued the bar maid for Olympic 50p coins. Only four to go now! Lionel got a long list of abuse and a DD for just about everything, followed by the hare for a good run.
Goodbye evening runs in daylight.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

QH3 Run 769.The Organ Grinder, Canning Circus, Nottingham. 20/08/2012

The Organ Grinder, Canning Circus, Nottingham
Venue: The Organ Grinder.
Hares: Too Tuf & Chicki

As a big crowd of Quorn Hashers went off to the Norfolk 1500th celebration at the weekend this was a run moved from the 3rd Sunday of the month to the following Monday. An unprecedented third missed local hash in a row for me due to the fact I had to go home to look after my invalid wife.

I record this on the blog to maintain the record of runs for the year. Any comments on the run welcome!

MH3 Run 230, Plank & Leggit, Sawley. 13/08/2012

Hare: Butcher's Dog
Venue: Plank & Leggit, Sawley.

This was a hash I planned on attending but a 36 hour journey from Brisbane to home the day before left me a bit tired. I add it to the Blogg for completeness of the year's hashing events. Comments on the hash if you have them are welcome!

QH3 Run 768, Curzon Arms, Woodhouse Eaves. 05/08/2012

Curzon Arms, Woodhouse Eaves
This was a hash I did not do having the reasonable excuse of being the other side of the world at the time. Bugger stepped in as hare at the last moment as the scheduled hare (Wallington) had a family bereavement. Wallington had actually (by mistake!) laid a trail the week before and I understand Bugger did a modified version.
Butt Plug was appointed RA but as it was raining it was felt Too Tuf should also be held responsible.
When questioned about the run my informer mentioned there was an ice cream stop so that's all I have to report about the run. 
Down downs were awarded:
1. Malteaser for leaving her flap open.
2. Chicki for not being good at going down.
3. Sticky Knickers for peeping tom - watching Butt Plug change.
4. Some noted welcome backs, Premature, Up-the-Duff and Josh. The latter making his 2nd appearance in two years, both on the rare occasions when I have missed a Quorn hash. I wont take it personally.
5. Bugger for a good run.
Josh, Up-the-Duff and Premature - welcome back!

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

QH3 Run 767. General Havelock, Ilkeston. 30/07/2012

Venue: General Havelock
Hare: Barritone
Weather: A pleasant summer's evening

The Quorn Hash tonight made a rare visit to Ilkeston in Derbyshire. Too Tuf and Chicki were there for the start of the hash though the hare (Barritone) wasn't. Anxious moments for the pack, Barritone had set out at four, was this going to be a long one? Dobber looked concerned. We also had  a visitor from warmer parts (Middle East) - welcome Alco Banana, hope to see you again next year.
Who says Dobber
 never runs on a hash?
Good to have Chicki and Too Tuf running with the pack, and even Butcher's Dog was back. Almost had the "A Team" on checking duty. In the absence of the hare the ON OUT was well marked with some strategically placed arrows to ensure we left the streets of Ilkeston quickly. A masterful display of haring with some excellent checks and plenty of flour. Most false trails were long and usually terminated by a bar. The checks kept the pack together, even Dobber kept up. Butt Plug, Malteaser and Bugger all playing their part in checking false trails, the latter, again appointed RA for the day, falsely marking a number of checks on account of poor calling. Alco Banana obviously enjoyed the novelty of running amongst so much greenery and for a visitor was not timid in doing plenty of checking. The wasteland and disused railway track south of Shipley Park was ideal for hashing. The hare finally caught us up about halfway round during a time when the pack became disorientated by the multiplicity of tracks, none of which appeared to have flour.
Chicki and Malteaser sharing
blonde moments
We were treated to the sights of the youth of Ilkeston playing football on the bowling green, and doesn't Ilkeston have a lot of pubs including a licensed chip shop! The General Havelock was an excellent hashing pub - plenty of car parking in the public car park next door and an excellent selection of beers. The water feature out in the beer garden made a splendid square for the circle to form around. Chicki was stand-in Beer Mistress, Wallington being absent, obviously still recovering from setting next Sunday's hash trail a week early. Chicki is a "glass full" sort of person, never able to go up to the bar to ask for an empty glass came back with a glass of water. Barritone was afforded the accolade of an "excellent run", not even a vote was required.

This was the way I did Run 767.  

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

MH3 Run 229. Pattenmaker Arms, Duffield. 16/07/2012

Pattens were under-shoes of wood and metal which were worn strapped beneath the shoes to raise the wearer out of the mud and effluence of the streets. How appropriate we should meet in the Pattenmakers Arms in Duffield on an occasion when there was copious amounts of mud on our trail. Yesterday may have been a dry St Swithin's day:

Pattenmakers Arms, Duffield
"St. Swithin's day if thou dost rain 
For forty days it will remain 
St. Swithin's day if thou be fair 
For forty days 'twill rain nae mair."

but today we got rained on! Hare (Trianal) claimed he had used all his flour laying the trail but it should be anticipated that there wouldn't be much left across the grass fields. Bugger arrived just in time for the ON OUT, fourth run in three days, this was merely my third.

We eventually found our way off the streets north of Duffield into soggy fields edging the golf course. Well-marked checks but with much flour washed from the main trail kept the pack together. In the first couple of miles I had to pass Dobber and Lionel several occasions. At times it was a bit like having a live hare but with the hare at the back of the pack.
Indeed, today we had a very experienced pack of hounds (Beefeater, Lightning Rod, Oriface, Barritone and Bugger) who all took their turn of moving the pack along at a reasonable trot. My moment of FRB glory came to an abrupt end on a particularly slippery style. Falling backwards of the top step into the fence it was fortunate that it was a wire stock-fence, rather than a wooden one, so I hit it with a bit of a spring. The bad news was it was topped with two layers of barbed-wire. Thanks Beefeater for unhooking me. I told the wife when I got home that the numerous deep cuts down my back were the result of 20 lashes administered for abusing the RA. As though I would do that!
Well done Trianal for leading us along a lot of new paths in unfriendly weather conditions, and what a lot of sheep - Barritone was purring. Lightening Rod (ne Dyno Rod) had some beer handling issues before the circle was led by Dobber in the comfort of the Pattenmakers Arms bar. Today it was a men only hash, where was the fair-weather sex?

 Hash Trail as run by Durex.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

QH3 Run 766. The Mill Wheel, Hartshorne. 15/07/2012

Run 766 of the Quorn Hash House Harriers started and finished at the Mill Wheel in Hartshorne. The Hare was Gobalot assisted by Oriface on his 97th Quorn H3 hash. The pack size actually reached double figures this week swelled by two Reptonite hashers.
The weather was sunny, appropriate that Bugger was appointed RA. The first part of the trail looped back around the cricket field, sending Butt Plug off on a long false trail, before exiting the village past Hartshorne church. Hairless Hound and Soggy Jubilee injected a bit of early pace and disappeared into the distance with Lightening Rod.
I fell for the hare's cunning deception at most checks, the strategically placed blob of flour to tempt me up a false trail. Not that many checks were needed. Many paths often had the pack finding its own route, often followed by an interested co-hare who just wanted to see where the paths went.
A bit longer than yesterday's AH4 trail but nevertheless a well-constructed route.
We haven't sat outside much this summer so we took the opportunity to use the Mill's beer garden. The circle was well on its way before Chicki and Too Tuf arrived back from the trail. Even Skids who had a blonde moment by going to the Wheel Inn in Ticknall instead, got to the circle earlier. Despite the lack of sheep (it was a Derbyshire trail!) it was voted a good run. This was the way I did it - RUN 766.

AH4 Run 34. Corley Farm, 3 miles east of Ashbourne. 14/07/2012

This was a hash with a difference. Originally billed as a mid-summer campout, it was neither mid-summer (how can you decide a mid-point for something that has never started), nor a campout (as the fields were too waterlogged). However, the location remained the same, Corley Farm 3 miles east of Ashbourne, or more precisely along the bit of road just before the farm. Hare was Skip Rat and a long hard run was anticipated.
The weather was in keeping with the reinstatement of Durex as RA - lovely sunshine - and Andean Sex Beast wore nice pink-flowered trousers appropriate for an unusual hash, made from material that would look at home as curtains in a poorly furnished holiday cottage.
Totem Pole put on his war paint to protect himself from the sun and then made the mistake of setting off with the r*nners as opposed to the short-cutters (mostly identified by purple AH4 T-Shirts). After about 500 m it became clear that this hash wasn't going to be run on footpaths. At the first check we stumbled around looking for obvious paths when the correct trail actually went into a field of cows with no discernible path or exit, but lots and lots of mud. The hesitation at the first check gave Bugger, fresh from his early morning park run, chance to catch us up. From that point the pack kept well together with the likes of Malteaser, Wriggle and Wheelchair keeping up with Horse's Arse FRB on account of difficult paths to find, zig zagging through long grass, and lots of water and shiggy. Not that the trail was poorly marked. I'd always thought the only point to thistles was being a national emblem, they also make good receptors for flour in long grass.
Purple coloured short-cutters were caught about 30 minutes into the trail, possession of a dog seemed to be a qualification to be in this group (Non-Runner, Mama Rose and ASB) if you weren't called Pretty Flamingo. Then the real fun started following some surprising ASB front-running and checking. The pack was led down a spooky ancient track-way full of dead trees and very prickly thorn bushes. The only way out was via more than 45 degree muddy slopes. Unfortunately, at an unseen check, Horse's Arse and ASB led us up the wrong slope. We struggled to get up it, and we struggled to get down again. Flying Bottom wasn't on this hash but there were plenty of those! Back on the correct trail we then had a struggle to get out the other side of this deep hollow. It's my nomination for check of the year.
The ON-IN trail completed a figure-of-eight short hash which was about 3 miles long and done in 75 minutes - this was the way I did it - AH4 Run 34.
A circle was held at site with unusually good beer for DDs. The Hare was suitably awarded for what was generally rated an exceptionally good hash. Even Bugger was happy. The pack retired to the Bowling Green Inn in Ashbourne where I was left to contemplate the trail whilst Malteaser went off to do some shopping.

Dirty dirty hash shoes
Flour on a thistle

The check that took us 20 minutes to escape from
Wriggle emerging from the hollow. Bugger pulling 
people up the slope

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

QH3 Run 765. The Plough, Ashby de la Zouch. 01/07/2012

The Plough on the Green, Ashby de la Zouch
Our first hash of July was done by a very small pack. At the start there was just Wallington, Malteaser and Durex, plus the hare (Bugger) and a co-hare (Goblin) to accompany the walkers (?). That was a real shame as this was a classic Bugger hash with river crossings, flower festival, plenty of churches, devious checks and quite a bit of previously unhashed trail.

Hash Heaven... pub with good beer and
 a cake shop next door!
We knew this was going to be hard going with just three do to the checking, and it was. No shortcut or walking for Wallington this week. At the start Malteaser found herself in the unaccustomed position at the front, no supervisory checking for anyone on this hash. Twenty minutes into the run we knew Too Tuf and Chicki had arrived, it started to spit with rain and we had our RA for the day. The rain didn't last long. This hash has excellent weather management procedures now in force. Even during the wettest June in history, did we have a wet hash in the entire month?

..still on flour
Towards the latter half, Wallington and Malteaser began to fade and I found myself running all the false trails and then having to return back along the correct trail in order to wave Wallington ON ON. No use calling him on, and I had to make sure my driver for the journey home was also heading in the right direction.
A shallow stretch of stream with an under-bridge crossing showed I could no longer walk on water but my r*nning shoes were the cleanest they've been for a month. That was until we hit that particularly shiggy bit and then a paddy field with the cows before returning into Ashby dlZ. I passed the co-hare walking by herself shortly before I got to the ON-IN. I did feel weary and no wonder with nearly 8 miles done and 1000+ calories burned (see Run 765).
Excellent beer (Shropshire Gold) and shortcake feet, Goblin's trademark treat, preceded a small well-formed circle  led by the RA for the day Too Tuf. We decided that many people had today missed a very good run!

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

QH3 Run 764. The Sun Inn, Gotham. 25/06/2012

Venue: The Sun Inn, Gotham.
Hare: Butt Plug
Weather: Good - Bugger made RA for the night


Just before the pack set off, a horse did a big dump right in front of the hare's car. Was this to be a prophecy for today's trail? A small well-formed pack of seven plus the hare set off with Mickleover Hashers Dobber and Lionel setting the pace at the back. A good dose of concrete slab laying the previous day had left me with a bad back and wondering whether I could keep up with Dobber. Not to worry, on up Gotham Hill the back loosened and so on to the front to help Bugger and Barritone do the checking leaving Too Tuf and Chicki ambling along at the back.
The Gotham City, Batman clock
This is one of my favourite running areas, plenty of hills. The hare did well leading us around a familiar area but not on the usual tracks. This was helped by faded flour blobs in the wood that just made those checks a little bit harder. 
The last half involved quite a lot of up (to the famous Cuckoo Bush Wood) and then down. Plenty of time stretch ones legs and take some photos such as the Gotham City clock.
We haven't had many occasions to sit outside this summer. A pleasant evening and we all managed to sit around one umbrella table in daylight until after ten. I do hope someone showed Chicki the way to the gate to get out of the beer garden. General consensus (without a vote) - Good Run.
This was the way I did Run 764.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

MH3 Run 228. The Green Man, Willington. 18/06/2012.

Hares: Parker & Lady P
Venue: Green Man, Willington
Weather: Dry

We don't do many trails in Willington and today's trail demonstrated why. Nice venue, good weather but the problem is a railway line, canal and the A50, all going E-W with limited crosing points. This was in Repton hashing territory so no surprise to have four Repton runners present again. Consequently the pack set off a great speed, Parker struggling to keep up even on his bike. I made the mistake of stopping to release some stones from my shoe and lost everyone. I saw Bugger wandering about in the distance, not realising he was lost too. We picked up flour on the canal going in both directions. After finding an unmarked check and no sign of the pack we rightly concluded we had strayed on to the ON-IN trail. Flour on the trail tended to be spaced a long way apart, moreso than the distance betwen the outward and inward trails.
The first check was found after 2 miles, Bugger was not happy. Along with other lost stragglers Wriggle and Ball Crusher we stumbled around Findern struggling to flour, checks and the right direction. Even Woggle and Seaman Stains caught us up walking. It was then up and down the canal and back to Willington.
We had a naming in the circle, one of the Repton runners turning up to the circle with shopping and confessing that she had to go home to do some baking. Welcome to the world of hashing Masterbaker! And this was the way I Run 228.

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

QH3 Run 763. The Anchor, Nether Broughton. 17/06/2012

Unbelievable. Too Tuf and Chicki arrive 20 minutes before the start of a hash! Hold back the shock, they did have the hash to set as they were today's hares. We did set off a bit late to give the hares a chance to get ahead, and wait for Bugger and Goblin to get ready. A brief light shower as we started meant that Too Tuf should have been RA for the day, but you can't set a trail and be the RA. Instead, we had to line up the other curates (Bugger, IP and Butt Plug) and the shortest draws the short straw - Bugger was our RA for the day and on his appointment it stopped raining.
I've hashed many trails and done a lot of running in this corner of NW Leicestershire and the public footpaths are always hopeless. The council fulfils its duty by marking them from public highways but after that you're on your own. One hundred metres into the trail, first check into a farmyard and around someone's backgarden I only found the footpath way-marker on my way back to the check. And that's how the trail continued. Many paths overgrown with knee-height grass made the going tough. At times, after a week of rain and waterlogged fields, it was like being back in SE Asia running through the paddies. At the bison and elk farm (no Skids, not Elfs) there were many well-signed paths, but the intimidating high and well-chained gates made it difficult to guess just where the paths were.
And so onto the busy A606, made busier by cars diverting off the A46, the hares obviously expecting the hashers would leap clear of the fast moving cars. Malteaser had other ideas and took on an incoming juggernaut. Most normal people wouldn't walk along this section of the A606 and so the public footpaths from it are never used. It made for an interesting trail, well-done the hares for ensuring such paths get used once in a while.

Where's the pack gone? Picture by a lonely FRB.
The hares' may have the intelligence to make sure their footprints don't give the trail away but their dog doesn't. I was able to follow doggy prints for most of the last mile, though with diversions into the field to chase pheasants.

I arrived back at the Anchor not long after the hares and was able to direct Sweet Pea to her car in the crowded car park of six cars. Wallington turned up just in time for the circle citing family business as being more important that running the trail. Bugger had difficulty controlling the circle - Sweet Pea was put on the naughty step and it's not every day the circle get interupted by a Lancaster Bomber flying past. I believe the hares got a deserved vote of good run. This was the way I did Run 763.

We actually had our Sunday dinner in the Anchor and it was a very good roast too.

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Jubilee Picnic Hash (QH3 run 762/AH4 run 33)

Date: Tuesday 5th June 2012
Venue: Allestree Park, Derby
Hares: Durex (GM AH4) and Malteaser (GM QH3)
A common memory for the Diamond Jubilee celebrations will be how wet the weekend was. What a wise decision to have this picnic hash on the Tuesday Jubilee holiday. For June it was cold, rain threatened but did not arrive until 4 pm when all the hashing picnicers had packed up and gone home after Jubilations to be remembered.
The largest local hash pack of the year, swelled by lots of children, two virgins (Roberta and Jane) and many welcome backs, assembled in Allestree Park adjacent to a big umbrella and gazebo. Most were from the Quorn Hash - much of the Ashbourne Hash obviously have more exciting things to do with their bank holiday. A big area of parkland right on our doorstep yet much of this was a new hashing area to me (see the trail as set by the hare). Nice park but pity about the local council's unbelievable mindless bureaucracy.  This was the first hash ever that I've had to write a risk assessment for! Graciously they waived the £26 admin fee because this was a Jubilee event then decided that a week was insufficient time for them to process my submission - we were jubilating at our own risk.
It was basically a winding run around the perimeter of the park with an excursion to Quarndon. I was determined to get the pack to the top of Bunker's Hill for an excellent view of the Trent Valley. A last minute change in plan spared the hounds an extra 1.5 miles and a long climb up Bunker's Hill. Instead I made good use of an Asbourne fish hook from the view point, a fish hook that if you didn't run back to the hare it meant you weren't going to find the trail home.
Talia - Queen for theday

RA for the Jubilations - Butt Plug

Copious amounts of food were provided, especially cake, as well as beer. The latter provided in a 20 litre container courtesy of the Flower Pot. An hour before the hash, the trail had been laid but I got a phone call from an unhappy Malteaser who had been standing outside the Brunswick brewery at the agreed time to pick up the hash beer only to find nobody there. No amount of cake or brilliance of hash trail would have made up for a lack of hash beer.
A decision was made to use Wallington's much travelled miscellaneous cans for the DDs and save the nice beer for social drinking.  RA for the day was Butt Plug who with his white, red and blue hair was well-dressed for the part. Talia was the Jubilee Queen for the circle and fortunately didn't decide to chop off anyone's head, even the hares', as an overwhelming majority voted for a good run. 
Bugger brought the croquet set but too much picnicing followed by darkening skies meant this returned home unused again.
God Save our Gracious Queen......
Barritone receiving his punishment

...and the hares....

Saturday, 2 June 2012

QH3 Run 761. Air Hostess. Tollerton. 28/05/2012

Venue: Air Hostess, Tollerton, Nottingham
Date: Monday 28th May 2012
Hares: Too Tuf & Chicki
Weather: Hot, sunny and threatening thunder storms that went away

Eighty minutes before the hash we got a message from the hares that this was going to be "a live bare". Interesting, we wanted to know what was going to be bare. The name of the pub is a bit pretentious. True we were close to what pertains to be Nottingham Airport but the nearest we come to a passenger service is Shagulater's requests to "come fly with me". Butt Plug arrives with a car-load full of people claiming to have doubled the size of the hash. Durex pointed out that numerically this might be true but size wasn't only about numbers. His car load could also have doubled the "size" of the hash.
Diarrhoea must have been bribed by the live hares, the perceived bar across the correct trail at the first check threw us all into a tiz for a good 5 minutes buying the hares some extra time. After a very wet April followed buy a week of very hot sunny weather those stinging nettles have really grown. The hares certainly managed to find some tall ones. For Tuf and Chicki they may only have been as high as the top of their ankle socks but for the rest of the normal size (that's height) hounds they reached more sensitive parts.
A well constructed trail that got the hares in 15 minutes before the pack. Butt Plug was the RA and led the circle provisioned by the Beer Mistress (Wallington) with the most alcoholic beer available.
Run 761 was voted a good run by an underwhelming majority - this was the way Durex did it. QH3 Run 761.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

QH3 Run 760. The Bluebell, Attenborough. 20/05/2012

A 2nd missed hash this year but spies have informed me of what went on. Attenborough is a popular trail setting area for the Hare Barritone and this was the 3rd time in a month we've been treated to a run from a pub called the Bluebell. Except it wasn't blue, more like bright orange. That was Malteaser's excuse for being late - she drove past the pub expecting it to be coloured blue. Curate IP was made RA for the day, so obviously the weather was good otherwise Too Tuf would have been the RA.
It's a check Sweat Pea!
The hounds were treated to a "VP" on this run with flour thoughtfully being laid to a bird hide. Not that the hash benefitted much - Sweet Pea, those big white birds are swans, not storks. And not a sheep to be seen. I'm gutted to have also missed an ice cream stop.
Former hash regular BLOW! made a welcome back appearance, as did Silent Pants who dropped in just to say hi, but not to run. No GPS trail plan this week but Malteaser assures me she ran at least 4.2 miles. The hare was awarded a beer so it must have been a good run, I can never remember Barritone setting a bad one!

Welcome back BLOW!
Hi Silent Pants..nice of you to drop in

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

MH3 Run 227. Bell & Harp, Coxbench. 14/05/2012

HaresRectal Probe & Dover Sole
Venue: Bell & Harp, Coxbench
Weather: Heavy showers with sunny bits, dry for most of the run.

Hash Trail: 6.6 miles as done by Durex. Ambitious figure of eight given the rain had washed away much of the flour. Hare kept busy keeping up with hounds in order to direct them down the checks and relay flour. Too flat and not enough sheep.

A good crowd, probably the largest pack of the year so far, assembled for the start of the trail, obviously not put off  by the encircling heavy showers. We discovered today that there was also a "hash" now running from The Boot in Repton, three of their members joined us for this run.

Any run in this area usually involves a steep climb for the first 10 minutes, this trail was no exception. Flour was a bit washed out in parts but thanks to the effort of Rectal Probe the pack kept more or less on trail. Fifteen minutes into the trail I noticed Malteaser was missing in action. I returned to look for her to find she'd managed to go off trail after a particularly difficult check. Knowing the area well I was able to direct her on a good short cut straight down the road to the Bridge Inn while I of course stuck to the correct trail. Another uphill stretch onto Duffieldbank enabled me to catch up with most of the pack. On the top we reached the middle bit of this figure of eight trail, although this fact wasn't known to us at this point, and the hare was lucky to catch and stop most of the hounds returning back along the bottom part of the "8". Instead, we had a further loop up to Holbrook before returning back up onto the ridge and completing the figure of eight. We were joined by Too Tuf and Chicki at this midpoint and they wisely passed on doing the extra loop.

Butcher's Dog, Eunuch and myself led the pack back in - good to have the "A" team back checking together again. We filled a room in the pub where we had an indoor circle led by the Mickleover GM Dobber. The hares were thanked for a good run!

o O o

Monday, 7 May 2012

QH3 Run 759. Robin Hood, Lambley. 06/05/2012

The Robin Hood, Lambley
This was the third hash in a week held during the East Midlands wettest ever drought, yet it was a dry run for the third time in a row. Such is the power of our weather control. Butt Plug was the hare and at 11:00 am there were just five hashers and a dog, two of whom were walkers. Since his appointment to RA Rasher has not made a hash, the only curate present was also a hare, so one of the choir boys was nominated by the GM as stand-in, reserve, temporary RA (Durex), and the weather just got even better.
Bugger checking top of pole for flour
With so few hashers checking was hard work shared between Diarrohea, Durex and Malteaser. Wallington and Skids were just casually strolling along at the back. After about a mile reinforcement began to arrive in the form of Goblin, Bugger, Too Tuf and Chicki. They thought they'd run fast to catch us up, Chicki was breathing heavily. We had actually been checking very slowly to allow them to catch up. The benefit of Goblin's extra training runs in the park were seen during a bit of competitive hashing that left Chicki a broken woman. It was an excellent trail with many good checks that kept the pack together plus a bit of an obstacle course before we arrived back at the pub. This was "Cowslip Sunday" in Lambley and the trail went straight through the arena and stage set up after the flour trail had been laid. Fortunately for the hare activities had not yet started. We also discovered what the Lambley Dumbles was (or should that be were), if you'd have joined us, you  too would know.
The On-Inn circle was followed by a rare Mismanagement Committee Meeting were plans were hatched for the coming year, including: a Jubilee Street party hash on Tuesday 5th June, a hash camping weekend in July, the Lucky 777 Run at Great Hucklow in October and a Halloween rather than red dress run at the end of October. There was an outbreak of "competitive haring" when it was suggested we cut back on the number of runs we do in a year due to a decline in the number of regular Quorn Hashers. So we've got the hares to set the runs, will we have the hounds to run them?

This was the way I saw Run 759.
Bars on this Hash proved to be no obstacle

Saturday, 5 May 2012

AH4 Run 32. Seven Springs Car Park. Cannock. 05/05/2012

AH4 Run 32. Nine runners, 5 walkers and 4 dogs.
Starting from Seven Springs Car park Cannock Chase.
The Hares (ASB and Mamma Rose) had expressed some concerned about the weather for this picnic hash. Since my grandson has been named Noah it has rained for 40 days and 40 nights. A pub venue (the nearby Wolseley Arms) was announced as a reserve location. Oh ye of little faith - our RA did a great job with the weather, cold but no rain.

Fantastic hashing location with paths in every direction, many upwards, and plenty of opportunities for river crossings, a few of which the hares used. It was a most unusual shape for a trail (see Durex's version of Run 32). It was though we all got half way around the trail then went back the way we came. Kept us all guessing which way to go next and at 6.5 miles (with checks) was just the right length.

We  got a picnic followed by lager down-downs which were improved by the addition of some coke. Nice to hash in a new area - this is the furtherest south west I've travelled on a regular East Midlands Hash.

Hash Picnic

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

QH3 Run 758. The Blue Bell, Sandiacre, 30/04/2012

 After a remarkably wet April, what a surprise to get a dry sunny evening for the hash, so well done to the curate for the evening, namely Bugger, who once again stepped into the RA's shoes. I had to explain to the new GM Malteaser that part of the job description was not turning up 20 minutes late for the hash. We arrived well on time for the start of this week's trail laid by Dobber and Lionel. Having these two as hares obviously caused some confusion, we got above the average number of Mickleover hashers who had obviously though this was a Mickleover run. Pack numbers were well into double figures.

Unusual hash markings or was it just the rough area
we were running in?
After a few checks it was obvious that, in this fairly populated area on the edge of the countryside, quite a bit of flour arranging had been done adding to the excitement of finding the trail.  The hare must have been a little concerned when the majority disappeared down a false trail for 5 minutes shouting ON-ON, a check originally well terminated with a bar. The pack were kept  together and on several occasions  managed to find checks where none had been set. The hares even found a "Harriette" Street to run past.

With all the recent rain the going underfoot was wet in parts. Smutley was this run's FRB, last seen disappearing into the streets of Stapleford. On a rare hash appearance by Beer & Loathing you got the impression he'd rather have been watching the Manchester derby on TV - he was seen peering into pub windows trying to find out the score.

A relatively short run but just right for a Monday night - Durex version of Run 758.

In the circle DDs were awarded to:

  1.  Lightening Rod and Malteaser for wearing thermals on a warm sunny run.
  2. Beer & Loathing for trying to watch TV on the run.
  3. Diarrohea and Gobalot for various trail transgressions.
  4. Trianal for sheepishly following the leading hound off trail.
  5. The hares Dobber and Lionel for a good run. 

Sunday, 22 April 2012

One hundred uses for the QH3 snood

Snood in its anticipated  mode of use
(as modelled by Goblin)

To celebrate its 25th anniversary of hashing, the Quorn Hash gave its members a present - a purple snood with the QH3 logo embroidered on it. The origin of the word snood comes from "the pendulous skin over the beak of a turkey". There is also a verb "to snood" meaning to bind or confine the hair with a snood. Indeed, there must be a hundred ways to use a snood.....


Face Mask . Bank robbery 1
  1. Neck scarf
  2. Head scarf
  3. Head band
  4. Hair band
  5. Face mask 
  6. Wrist band
  7. Handkerchief
  8. Bandanna
  9. Dish cloth
  10. Towel
  11. Boob tube
  12. Muff
  13. Ear warmer
  14. Knee support
  15. Table mat
  16. Sieve cloth
  17. Windscreen cleaner
  18. Emergency dog shit bag
  19. Man's sarong (short people only)
  20. Blindfold
  21. Bandage
  22. Seat warmer
  23. Wrapping a present
  24. Wall decoration
  25. Small carpet rug
  26. Door mat
  27. Pointy object cover (e.g. gun)

Head Scarf
hair band

Pointy object cover (e.g. gun) - Bank robbery 2
(hide the logo!)

uses 28 to 100........over to you!