Tuesday, 28 July 2015

QH3 Run 875. Packe Arms, Hoton

QH3 RUN #875
Date : Monday 27th July 2015 (19:15)
Location: Packe Arms, Hoton ( LE12 5SJ)
Hares: Dope and Heroin
Weather: Perspiration not precipitation
Pack size: 14

This was an unusual hash trail never getting more than 800 m away from the pub recycling many of the checks and false trails. Short cutting was a waste of time as generally we would return to the same point within 10-15 minutes. Doing the hash standing still may have
Cpt Oates arrived late and was seen abusing the
crops. Bouncer was concerned what a tennis ball
and combine harvester would do to his Weetabix.
This would have been a lot worse!

been the best tactic to keep up with the FRBs. This experimental format for the hash trail was implemented because the Dope claimed injury prevented him from going further afield. Without recourse to using a car to ferry hashers about, or even splitting us into several groups, this format worked extremely well. A good number of hashers, mentioning no names Chicki, didn't even notice we were essentially running around just a couple of large wheat fields. I managed to run the same false trail three times from different directions. The GPS trace (see below) is probably one of the more interesting trail patterns we have ever done.

We left home in pouring rain but in Hoton it was just threatening to do so. The RA claimed she had it all under control, the wet stuff was perspiration rather than precipitation.
The hare declared today 'Finnish national
Sleepy Head Day'. Last one back had to be
woken up with a cold glass of water!

In the circle awards were given as follows:
1. Malteaser for being anxious about Durex's projects about the home. Happy to have him working in the loft but she got nervous when he starts digging large holes in the garden.
2. RA abuse was common and easy to do. Visitor Bouncer made the mistake of nearly knocking the RA over.
3. We learnt from visitor Angel and Too Tuf how to make John Smiths smooth. Something to do with fresh barley and buttocks.
4. Captain Oates was a latecomer and was seen abusing the crops. He should have got a DD but played his 'Get out of DOWN DOWN free card'.
5. Wallington for appearing almost naked from the last hash on the QH3 Facebook page.
6. Bummer for dog abuse - we all saw him kicking the dog!
Cpt Oates played his get out of DD free card

7. The hares Dope and Heroin were thanked for their unusual trail getting a vote of 42%. Too Tuf reckoned that their imminent departure for Edinburgh would raise the IQ of both their old and new hashes.
8. Durex for repeatedly running the same false trail which never actually became the correct trail.
9. Pay-back time for Underlay (taken by Butt Plug) - apparently she had walked into Angel and Bouncer's camper van claiming that this and the children in it belonged to her.

On On...Durex

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

QH3 Run 874. Conkers Waterside nr Moira

QH3 RUN #874
Date : Sunday 19th July 2015 (11:00)
Location: Conkers Waterside (nr Moira) (DE12 6BA)
Hares: B*gger and Goblin
Weather: Wet for the hares laying the trail, sunny for the rest of us
Pack size: 14

A change from our usual format starting not from a pub car park but the National Forest Conkers Waterside. As the name suggests, there's lots of woodland and water around here with a maze of paths so B*gger was in his element. A trail that never got more than about 1 mile from the car park but with many twists and changes in direction that meant some of us ran over 5 miles (see GPS map trace below). 
It was a good turn-out for a trail in the far corner of our hashing area with a few minor hashers away at the Euro Hash. Who needs an RA anyway? Although the hares got a right soaking, what mattered is the pack ran around in sunshine.
After getting the first few check wrong I had to adjust my brain to the fact that B*gger and Goblin set this trail so when presented with multiple options at future checks I always chose the least likely. That worked, most of the time.
Dope zipping along
Sausage on a saucer

 Some noted features from the trail:
1. Underlay was seen doing a check!
2. A holding check was placed in a park area of physical activity apparatus. B*gger noted that people on boot camps pay to come and do this sort of stuff. I pointed out that we also paid £1.50 (most trails) to run a hash.
3. A difficult floating log bridge crossing of the smelliest small stream you could find resulted in three hashers down in the mud. Wallington beat Dope and Lincolnshire Sausage for the most spectacular mud dive.
What short legs you've got Wallington...... and did
that shiggy smell!!!

4. We had a cultural stop at Moira Furnace.
5. Newcomer Stacey fancies the job of deputy hash flash - see the QH3 Facebook page for her photos.
Cpt Oates pointing out Moira Furnace to
those that might have missed it.
A quick circle was held at the water's edge watched by swans and cygnets hoping to get something more than a beer. This was provided from B*gger and Goblin's reject drinks cupboard, including two cans of Carling found in the park earlier in the morning.
Hare's were dealt with first - a 42% good run was awarded for a trail with many checks and 'features' that kept the pack together. Thanks again to Goblin for the lovely shortcake feet. Underlay's offsprings, Brad and Stacey were welcomed to the hash in a traditional manner, and Wallington, Sausage and Dope rewarded for their entertaining performance crossing the smelly stream. Underlay got a DD for 'virgin checking' and Butt Plug got one plus a bright orange T-Shirt (Captain Oates special) for his part in organising the camp-out a fortnight before.

That's the way QH3 Run 874 went....On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

MH3 Run 265. Swan Inn, Milton

MH3 Run 265
Date: Monday 13th July 2015
Location: Swan Inn, Milton (DE65 6EF)
Hares: Seaman Stains and Catflap
Weather: Dry after a day of rain
Pack size: 13 

The hares were unfortunate to have chosen one of the wettest days of the summer to lay this trail, though by the time of the hash the rain had stopped and everything was drying out. Despite the rain the flour stuck well and the trail was easy to find, that is, aside from the cunning false trails.

This is a good pub to run from and the chip butties at the On Inn ensured the hares got the 'good run accolade'. Friendly staff, a good choice of beers, and with one room serving as a day time cafe this is a good place to visit any time of the day.

The pack soon split into two groups, r*nners and walkers, with the usual group of SRBs (Dobber, Loinel, Woggle) joined by Captain Oates with his poorly knee. Our hares for the day, Catflap and Seaman Stains, are of course of the walking persuasion, though the latter's statement that it wasn't a long trail because he walked it in 2 hours was not reassuring. Seaman Stains usually walks faster than some of our hashers run!

The trail was characteristically different from our usual Mickleover trails in that flour blobs were more widely spaced and hashers were enticed down false trails not marked with a check but a cunningly placed flour blob exactly were paths split. On many occasions Lightning Rod and Oriface, although familiar with this area, went off for long trips down a false trail. The harriettes (Malteaser, Wriggle and Gobalot) did meet the FRBs coming in the opposite direction in Repton, later attributed to Malteaser crossing a bar.

We were joined by Major Tosser today, running fast but fortunately kept in check by cunning false trails. Indeed, all the r*nners were kept together until the last check after which was a long stretch back into Milton including a relatively steep hill along the road which sorted out the FRBs from the rest.

I did my good deed for the day releasing a lamb that had got its head stuck in a fence. Just as well nobody was there to take a photo as I lined up behind the lamb, grabbed it by the shoulders and yanked it backwards.

Satisfied by chip butties we were a happy bunch of hashers by the time it came to the circle. DDs were awarded to:

1. Durex (name label on socks), and Gobalot and Wiggle ('left' and 'right' markings on socks);
2. Malteaser - misleading the other harriettes in Repton;
3. Welcome back for Major Tosser;
4. Lionel who had just returned from Greece and was blamed for their monetary crisis. We had a referendum to decide that he was indeed guilty; and
5. The hares, Seaman Stains and Catflap for a good hash.

On On...Durex
Trail as done by Durex

Sunday, 5 July 2015

QH3 Run 873. The Ostrich, Longford, Derbyshire

QH3 RUN #873
Date : Sunday 5th July 2015 (11:00)
Location: The Ostrich Inn, Longford. (DE6 3AH)
Hares: Butt Plug and Underlay
Weather: Overcast, warm and humid
Pack size: 9

This Quorn Sunday hash was part of the quietly advertised QH3 July camp-out weekend. Whether it was the spectacular thunderstorms advertised for Friday evening, the pub telling people that their camp-site was 'full', the minimal standard of camp-site facilities, the pub having no beer on a Friday night and no food unless you pre-booked, or just that we don't like camping much now,the event attracted just four hardy QH3 campers. These were Butt Plug and Underlay (who had to be there to set the trail), Captain Oates (who managed to bring a comfortable single mattress on the roof of his car but little in the way of warm clothing or bedding), and Barritone who made it to this Derbyshire countryside location by train and bike. Malteaser and myself were sufficiently attracted to Butt Plug's BBQ on Saturday evening and did facilitate attendance of the Saturday AH4 trail about 25 minutes down the road.

A few extras came in for the Sunday hash, namely Wallington, Crooked Squire and Diarrhoea. It was a well planned trail that included a walkers' route, led of course by Underlay, and used by Captain Oates with his poorly knee. The pack moved around fast but were kept together by a number of very cunning checks.
With most of the QH3 committee absent it was thrust upon myself to fulfil the duties of RA, an undertaking I couldn't reject once it was pointed out the sun was now shining. This was not a task helped by the stand-in Beer Master (Malteaser) thinking that Thatcher's Gold was a nice pale ale for the DDs. As a result she was given the first DD to prove the error of this move. I rather thought Captain Oates would welcome the chance of a cider DD but declined in favour of a softie, punishment for not having cash to pay his run subs. Diarrhoea owned up to not paying either and his honesty earned him a free drink. At least the circle had some respite from his terrible puns and word plays whilst he was doing the DD.
The hares were thanked in the traditional manner for a good trail. We then sat and watched the happy campers exiting the site as quickly as they could!

On On...Durex

Trail as done by the Durex

AH4 Run 61. Raddles Inn, Hollington

AH4 RUN #61
Date : Saturday 4th July 2015 (11:00)
Location: Raddles Inn, Hollington, ST10 4HQ 
Hare: Moist  
Weather: Becoming hot and humid 
Pack size: 9

After a night of spectacular thunderstorms we were all greatly relieved to find the hare had not set the trail the day before. Usual collections of invalids this week, notably Captain Oates (bad knee) and Road Pick-up (bad shoulder). A physio was required - enter hare Moist. But did they feel any better after the hash trail? Captain Oates limped around most of the way and said it still hurt though Road Pick-up now had distraction injuries caused by brambles to worry about. Diarrhoea tried electric shock treatment near the start of the trail by running straight into an electric fence - we were warned!
This hash visited Horse's Arse's (HA) worst nightmare, field after field of high density cattle. One extra calf had been born during the course of setting the run. With careful shepherding of the cattle and a few diversions HA did make it around the trail. 
We're waiting for you HA!
A cultural check at Croxton Abbey
Near the start we were treated to a cultural stop, the ruins of Croxton Abbey where Malteaser, Road Pick-up, Pyschojellic, HA and Crooked Squire posed for a photo. Diarrhoea gave the culture a miss and had already done the next check, even taking the time to come back and mark it.
Nearing the end, obviously short-cutting, Moist and Captain Oates were caught on a long tarmac uphill section. Captain Oates made a pictorial record of the FRBs running uphill. With  PyschojellicDiarrhoea and Crooked Squire all pushing hard I was obliged to keep running.
Do we wish to catch Diarrhoea?
Diarrhoea continued his exemplary hashing behaviour by following the correct On Inn trail to the Raddles Inn. I on the otherhand invoked hash rule 7g that says if the On Inn is signposted then such signs can over-rule all hash markings as it is the hashers duty to get back to the pub as quickly as possible.
The Raddles Inn was an excellent hash venue serving good real ales and it was nice to have the use of a large beer garden in the summer weather. For future reference it was noted the pub had log cabins, campsite and a bouncy castle.
The relatively small circle was able to fit around one picnic table and was again captured by photo as a reflection in Malteaser's sun glasses by Captain Oates.

DDs were given to: (1) Captain Oates (invalid); (2) Diarrhoea, sinner or saint?;
(3) Competitive hashers, Crooked Squire (first back) and Durex (running uphill to keep in front of Diarrhoea); (4) Leftovers Malteaser and Road Pick-up; and finally (5) the hare Moist for an excellent trail. Moist set a very high standard of haring for her first trail and didn't disappoint this time around. Good choice for an On Inn, plenty of obscure and infrequently used public footpaths and an interesting viewing of Croxton Abbey ruins.

That's the way I saw today's hash trail....On On.. Durex

Trail as done by Durex

Thursday, 2 July 2015

QH3 Run 872. Sun Inn, Gotham

QH3 RUN #872
Date : Monday 29 June 2015 (19:15)
Location: Sun Inn, Gotham (NG11 0HX)
Hare: Durex
Weather: Hot Summer Evening
Pack size: 18

There is a saying, connected with the legend of Gotham, the infectious madness of the people and the link to Batman and New York City - "there are more fools pass through Gotham than remain in it". And so it was on Monday evening. 
The Gotham City Sirens had some competition
this evening
Gotham is one of my favourite hashing locations and I was was interested to explore what the new A453 had done to the footpaths of the area. My intention was to head northwest to Thrumpton by the River Trent but my first recce suggested this would have to be a trail of nearly 7 miles. One can no longer cross the A453 on foot, instead footpaths are now diverted to bridges or underpasses, adding considerably to the distance. I'd had hoped the new wildlife underpasses could be put to use for the hash but these serve nothing larger than a rabbit! With two steep hills en route the 4.8 miles was more than adequate for a Monday evening.
It was welcome back to Isabella for her second QH3 trail and a rare appearance from Beefeater. With the latter plus Trianal, Butcher's Dog and a fit Diarrhoea (from all those runs recently done in the Far East), the pack moved around fast. Nevertheless, good long checks and steep hills did keep the pack together. This was the largest pack of the year so far, swelled by Dobber, Lionel and Catflap from the MH3. These formed the knitting circle at the back and, without any guidance from the hare, easily managed to find a shorter version of the trail. Bummer and Wallington were a little too quick to be offered the wee shortcut at the end for the back r*nners. Just before the On Inn was signed, I was passed by Dope and Heroin so I was surprised to get back to the Sun Inn to find a distressed Heroin saying Dope was missing. Missing he was not. He just chose to finish at the Star Inn instead.
The circle was led by our RA Chicki who to date has had a remarkably good record on the weather. DDs were awarded to:
1. Barritone for exciting all those sheep;
2. Heroin for failing to protect all from the herd of docile cows;
3. Wallington for not upsetting any farmers this week;
4. Dobber for looking the part of a boxer (the hare being dressed like a boxing trainer with towel around his neck);
5. Bummer still selling tickets for the Rutland 1000th (which happened last month!);
6. Beefeater - welcome back from Birmingham;
7. Malteaser - for being part of a car sandwich last weekend; and
8. Hare Durex for a trail deemed as being 42%, 

On On...Durex

Trail as set by the hare