Wednesday, 27 April 2016

QH3 Run 902. Stratford Haven, West Bridgford

RUN #902
Date : Monday 25 April 2016
Location: Stratford Haven
Hares:Too Tuf and Chicki
Weather: Dry after hale and sleet
Pack size: 8

A rare Quorn hash trail not attended by myself so this is a report thanks to comments from the hare (Chicki) and photos from Hash Flash (Lily the Pink). I never did find out whether the Stratford Haven was a very clever On Inn choice by the hares to mark the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare's death and or whether my effort to find a hashing reference from one of his plays was in vain - 'Wisely and slow. They stumble that run fast.'

Before the hash set off we saw a heavy rain storm, sleet and snow.  There was a 10 minute delay at the start of the run whilst hashers relieved themselves of their coats when they realised that despite the absence of Durex and the RA having to multi-task, being the hare as well as the RA, that this was going to be another dry run and indeed it was, with lots of blue sky and sunshine.  It was of course a cracking run - taking in two parks, the streets of West Bridgford where Puss in Boots was born and grew up and lots of canal foot path.  There were no prostitutes or sheep but plenty of ducks. 

Butcher's Dog, Too Tuf and Chicki were awarded embroidered haberdashery and down-downs for having done 200 runs and 600 runs respectively.  Pre-mature was the RA's glamorous assistant and presented the new clothes and then having done a marvellous job was given a down-down.  Puss in Boots was given a down-down for wearing a Spurs T-shirt; Bummer was given one for a welcome back; Butcher's Dog was given another down-down for using her nose to distinguish the flour blobs from the copious amount of duck poo, well it is what dogs do.  Butt Plug got a down-down for being an invalid.  We are not really a very PC hash.  And finally, Too Tuf was given another down-down for a cracking trail.  The RA suggested that it might be a 98% and then there was a suggestion of 9.8%.  No points could be awarded for losing Scroates because he wasn't there.

Timer shirts finally caught up with their owners. Butcher's Dog (200x), Chicki (600x) and Too Tuf (600x)

Sunday, 17 April 2016

QH3 Run 901. The Sun Inn, Gotham

RUN #901
Date : 17th April 2016
Location: The Sun Inn, Gotham
Hares: Butcher's Dog and Sausage
Weather: Lovely sunshine
Pack size: 13
Too Tuf and Malteaser nearing the top of the final hill

Poor Sausage had to get up early, miss breakfast and help Butcher's Dog lay this trail (with a broken hand) in the freezing cold. By the time we all got there it was a lovely spring day with lots of sunshine.
Trails from Gotham are either very flat (à la Butt Plug to the east) or very hilly in every other direction. The hares chose the latter course and I think that we ran up then down every hill. The 'Grand Old Duke of York' sprung to mind. The three walkers (Shagulater, B*gger and Butt Plug) were offered a shorter route which cut out one long down and up.
At the ON INN the RA (Chicki) gave the following awards: (1) Ballcrusher: welcome back; (2) Shagulater: for missing last week's 900th trail with a hangover; (3) Too Tuf: Interfering with the RA by pointing out important hash traditions like no hats in the circle; (4) Durex: for getting most of the checks right, letting Malteaser run a false trail before calling ON, and threatening to reveal the 'celebrity threesome' on his blog; (5) Butt Plug: leaving his wife (Underlay) behind at home on her birthday; (6) Lincolnshire Sausage: for moaning about the cold and missing breakfast; (7) Butcher's Dog: successfully bribing the hash with cake to get an accolade of 84% for the trail (though immediately downgraded to a 43% as none of our trails are ever that good!). A nice trail set by the hares, well done.

In the announcements Chicki volunteered to set the next trail to celebrate her 600th Quorn hash. Barritone put in a plug for his party on Saturday 21st May (White Horse, Beeston) - he needs you to vote for your favourite Barry Shaw song. See

On On...Durex

Thursday, 14 April 2016

MH3 Run 274. Hollybrook, Heatherton

MH3 Run 274
Date: Monday 11th April 2016
Location: Hollybrook, Heatherton
Hares: Durex and Malteaser
Weather: Wet
Pack size: 12

It's been a while since we've hashed from the Hollybrook but I thought this location on the edge of Mickleover, and at the fringes of the Derby urban area, would be a good venue for our first BST trail this year. Too bad the weather was miserable, grey and wet with the sunset feeling as though it was 2 hours earlier than expected.
Dobber welcomed us to trail No. 275 - I must remember to ask why all this year there appears to have been a trail that escaped my attention. As RA he can call runs whatever number he wants, but now this numbering is also having an detrimental impact on Diarrhoea's hashing log.
Malteaser led the pack of walkers on a short-cut from the start so as to avoid the muddy fields encountered by the remaining pack of six. Indeed, the walkers managed several strategic short-cuts that meant we all more-or-less arrived back at the pub (in darkness) at about the same time. Seaman Stains (classification very fast walker) with his local knowledge and speed did manage to keep in contact with the r*nners for most of the way.
It was cheap beer and quiz night in the Hollybrook, the former appreciated by most and the latter enjoyed by a few. Gobalot and Malteaser signed up for the quiz (see footnote) which had to wait for Dobber to finish our indoor circle before the questioning could commence.
In the circle the following were awarded with DDs:
Tonight's hares, Durex and Malteaser 
(photo by Diarrhoea)
1. Gobalot - should of gone to spec savers - unable to see Trianal who was standing right next to her at the On Out;
2. Beer 'n Loathing for forgetting to bring any money;
3. Diarrhoea and Woggle for being 'Phobile Mones', something to do with their mobile phone usage for the hash; and
4. Malteaser and Durex as hares for setting the trail.

The quiz prolonged our enjoyment of the evening no end. Did Gobalot have to walk home alone along the A50? We left some time after 11:00 pm having to wait for the announcement of the results. For those of you that missed the end:

  • Mickleover Hash House Harriers finished just outside the prizes in fourth place, not too far behind the winning team
  • Wriggle correctly identified the Billy Idol photo
  • Holly Willougby tops breast honours list for the second year running on National Cleavage Day (I had to check this out in Google)
  • Smithies is Gay
  • OBTS was 'Once bitten twice shy'
  • the household anagram was 'toilet roll holder'
There was a request from Oriface that we don't choose On Inns with Quiz nights.

Trail as laid by Durex
Trail as swept by hare

Monday, 4 April 2016

QH3 Run 900. Horse & Jockey, Stapleford

RUN #900
Date : 3rd April 2016
Location: Horse & Jockey, Stapleford
Hares: Too Tuf and Chicki
Weather: Overcast but dry
Pack size: 28

The Quorn Hash House Harriers had its first run on 29th March 1987 from the Free Trade in Sileby. So here we are, almost exactly 29 years later, celebrating the 900th trail of the QH3. And there was an excellent turn out to celebrate it. Or was that the interest shown in Too Tuf's 100th trail laid for QH3, or even the excitement generated by our annual AGM? I think not. After our 30th birthday next year, the 1000th trail will be our next major landmark - at our current rate that should inconveniently fall in January 2019. Hash Stats Malteaser recounted some of Too Tuf's haring career with the QH3. This all started back in August 1995 (Run#152) when Too Tuf set a trail from the Salutation in Keyworth, a certain Pleasure Gnome being recorded as co-hare.

The trail did not cover the usual area from this On Inn as we headed south rather than north. Indeed, this was a trail I had planned for a future hash if only I could work out how to make it a bit shorter. Today's hares overcame that problem by offering a walker's trail back up the canal (with a nature trail of dead frogs!) and a 'shorter trail' was marked from the new Toton tram terminus. This left most hashers doing the 6.5 mile longer trail (see GPS map link below). I do like a good run on Sundays and this was a trail worthy of run 900. The Toton Sidings area has a web of pathways not shown on maps and is surely worthy of future hash trails. There will be plenty of time for that before it becomes one of the very few HS2 stations.

The Horse & Jockey is an excellent hashing pub with a great choice of real ales. Today's big pack filled the outside courtyard where RA Chicki led the circle.
Awards went something like this:
1. Bugger: For announcing that it had taken 27 years to reach today's landmark;
2. Lincolnshire Sausage: For suggesting the flour could be recycled for the next trail;
3. Wallington: host for welcome backs Dope and Heroin;
4. Smutley and Diarrhoea: RA abuse. Jogging BEHIND  Chicki on the trail Smutley came up with an alternative suggestion as to where they could have parked their bikes;
5. Welcome back to Creamy, a local from St Apleford;
6. Welcome back to Heroin and Dope, now Edinburgh hashers;
Welcome to your first hash Ann and Jenny
7. Wecome back to Angel and Bouncer who had come all the way from Brighton for Too Tuf's trail (along with Gooey and ET). Well that's what they told him;
8. Hash virgins Jenny and Ann;
9. Lily the 'Stink': - was that something to do with what she picked up on her shoe?;
10. Puss in Boots and Butt Plug: the former thinking he was being discriminated against coming from N Bridgford and only getting a Hathersage weekend flyer in B&W;
11. Too Tuf: the hare who got awarded an amazing 84% for the trail though
Too Tuf has now laid 100
trails for QH3
there was some debate as to where the decimal point should go;

12. Wallington: for giving away sweets to children before the trail;
13. Creamy: for the detailed commentary on the numerous dead frogs found along the walker's trail; and finally,
14. Durex: A-team checking, so many correct calls at checks he wasn't able to mark many of the checks today.

The circle morphed straight into the AGM before everyone went back inside for hash food including the scrumptious shortcake feet baked by Goblin. Not a lot of changes to the committee, Captain Oates in his absence was nominated for every position but he managed to cling onto his haberdashery position. Other highlights - Too Tuf is our new Lo (Liaison officer) and newcomers Puss in Boots and Lily the Pink are elected as Beer Master and Hash Flash respectively. Full list:


Grand Master (GM) - Bugger
Religious Advisor (RA) - Chicki
Hash Cash and Webmaster - Durex
Hare Razor - Goblin
Beer Master - Puss in Boots
Beer Monitor - Butt Plug
Hash Flash - Lily the Pink
Hash Horn - Barritone
Liaison Officer (Lo) - Too Tuf
Hash Stats - Malteaser
Haberdashery - Capt Oates
Minor Part - Wallington

Roll on run 1000, On On...Durex