MH3 Run 253. Chequers Inn, Ticknall

Run No: 253
Date: Monday 14th July 2014
Location: The Chequers Inn, Ticknall (DE73 7JH)
Hares: B*gger & Goblin
Weather: Dry but threatening rain
Pack size: 18 

The Chequers Inn, Ticknall is becoming a popular venue for hashing in the East Midlands and the Mickleover Hash returned here for the second time this year. The On Inn remains the same but we have managed many different trails from here and Run 253 was probably the best one yet (see trail GPS map below).
After a week of good summer weather rain was forecast. It was already in the air when we departed at 19:15 but fortunately this never came to anything and we went around the trail in warm dry conditions. Hounds reported a total trail distance of anything between 6 to 7.5 miles though nobody ever knows how far the walkers go - they're the kind of people that don't really care for measuring how far they've exerted themselves. Indeed Lionel was awarded a DD for trying to cut short the walkers route. Lightening Rod and Diarrhoea were officially acknowledged as the day's SCBs though with a good twisting hash trail there was plenty of scope for everyone to shortcut, should the need arise. Except of course for Ballcrusher who was an exemplary hasher and refused to cross bars which resulted in a DD for good behaviour.
Butcher's Dog must have run several miles further than anyone else including one particular false trail twice in response to the hare's question 'Why is Butcher's Dog coming back?' The correct response should have been because there is no flour on that trail but most of the hash took this as a indication that this was indeed the correct trail. A consequence of this was I found myself at the back of the pack with Gobalot and then being led on a tour of the Ticknall archaeological pottery dig.
Ticknall apparently had a thriving pottery industry in the 1530s and Gobalot had a specimen of pottery to show to the circle. This information fell on the deaf ears of more than one hasher and Gobalot had to be given a DD to shut her up.
Pigeon Hole was back amongst us and entertained us with his quick-fire jokes all evening. He got a welcome back DD, or was it a wishful farewell given the standard of the jokes - I still don't understand the Alex Ferguson one.
Pigeon Hole's continued witticisms triggered a memory in Wallington's brain of a Shepshed runner doing the London marathon in 1990, an irrelevance that got him a DD.

"I am just going outside and may be some time." With these words, Antarctic explorer Capt Lawrence Oates set out to meet his death 100 years ago, aged 31, and entered the history books.

Our very own Captain Oates was indeed out for some time, even Seaman Stains walked the whole hash trail faster than Captain Oates ran(?) it. Hares get bonus points for losing Captain Oates, and he gets a DD.

It was a foregone conclusion that the hares (B*gger and Goblin) would be awarded a 'good run', clinched with Goblin's trademark shortcake feet. The trail was a long one but nice to be out around the Foremark Reservoir running along good off-road paths. There's some good hash trails to be done in the National Forest, too bad there aren't many On Inns to start from.

That's the way I saw it.....On On...Durex

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 837, White Lion, Sawley

RUN #837

Date :Sunday 6th July 2014
Location: White Lion, Sawley (NG10 3AT)
Hare: Barritone
Weather: Beautiful despite Too Tuf being acting RA
Pack size: 13






This was my first missed Quorn Hash of 2014. Shame as it was Barritone's 25th anniversary of hashing and Wallington's 400th run, plus the first trail crossing the 'new' Long Horse Bridge. Thanks to B*gger for the following scribe.

Sunday 6th July, was a busy day on the sporting calendar – Wimbledon final, British F1 and Tour de Yorkshire, however that didn’t stop 13 hashers turning up on a glorious sunny day at the White Lion, Sawley (Derbyshire) including at long last the virgin hasher – ‘Cat’. Local knowledge by B*gg*r – the White Lion used to be his local in the 80’s and Ballcrusher, who lives 3 miles away, ensured that the rest of the pack (mainly Free W*lly) got stuffed with doing some long false trails. 

The trail headed out of the village past the church and along the flood bank to the River Trent, which was then crossed into Leicestershire, then followed upstream to the confluence with the River Derwent and Trent and Mersey Canal. Here the Trent was crossed by the new ‘Long Horse Bridge’ back into Derbyshire before most of the pack managed to safely cross the Trent and Mersey via the lock gates. However, Underlay’s daughter’s dog ‘Temper’ a Staffy, refused point blank to cross the lock gates, resulting in Butt Plug, Underlay and Wallington all returning to the pub the way they had come.

Running along a slightly overgrown path following the lock’s overflow, Cat was heard to ask Debriefed if this is the ‘Urban Jungle’ that the hare had warned about. Having crossed back over the Derwent and the M1, the trail descended into Sawley down the side of the M1 embankment before picking up the real Urban Jungle section of the trail – not helped by disgruntled householders who had washed the flour off the pavement outside their houses.

Back at the pub, Too Tuf, lead the circle (assisted by Hot Air) even though we had both the RA and the curate, who had turned up in time for the circle wearing a shirt & tie. DDs were given to B*gg*r for eating prior to visiting relatives for dinner, Hot Air got most of the Cider she had bought, Goblin got a DD for making cookies in the wrong shape, Free W*lly for various things, the circle was then interrupted by Chicki ripping her clothes off whilst shouting ‘Kill it, Kill it’ in order to extract a very small beetle that briefly landed on her shoulder.

Trail as done by B*gger

QH3 Run 836. Kings Head, Sutton Bonington

RUN #836

Date: Monday 30th June 2014
Location: Kings Head, Sutton Bonington (LE12 5PE)
Hare: Durex
Weather: Warm and dry
Pack size: 21





This was a big pack for a Monday evening, no doubt encouraged by the good summer weather. It was welcome back to Bummer, Scrooge and his Mrs, plus a returning newcomer Wesley. Forewarned that Butcher's Dog and fellow 'athletes' would be present I had added an extra mile to the trail - make the most of the long summer evening I thought!

We've hashed in this area many times and the recently planted Diamond Wood has opened up some new hashing trails in what was previously out-of-bounds fields. 

Bummer made the mistake of leaving his keys in Captain Oates' car. Hashers should note that it is the duty of the hare to make sure that Captain Oates is always going to be 'out for a long while'. This objective he achieved walking and talking at the back of the pack with Chicki - this pair were this week's SRBs. 

RA Butt Plug led the circle under the close scrutiny of Durex. Bummer got the first Down-Down (DD), something about being mistaken for an athlete, or two. Second DD went to Wesley for his second coming and being announced at the On Out as the son of Christ (Luton). Scrooge got a welcome back; Malteaser (where do you start?!!); Oriface as 100 timer; and Chicki and Captain Oates for bringing up the rear (Cowing?).

The hare, me, for a splendid run was awarded a mere 42%, marginally better than my assessment of the RA's performance.

That's the way I saw it....
ON ON 
Durex

Trail as set by Hare

MH3 Run 252. Puss in Boots, Duffield

RUN #252
Date: Monday 16th June 2014
Location: Puss in Boots, Duffield (DE56 4AQ)
Hare: Trianal
Weather: Warm and dry
Pack size: About 15





Every now and then we have a hash trail that sticks in the memory. This was one such hash. The hare (Trianal) introduced the trail to the hounds as 'Plan B' - 'Plan A' recced several days before proved impassable and impracticable because of poorly used and lost footpaths. We were warned that today's trail had a disappointing end because whilst setting the trail the hare had felt it had got long enough and had decided just to head back down the road. The omens were not good when the hare is making such excuses before the run has started!
The hare was correct, it was long (over six miles). This, along with the hills and few checks, meant this was very much a runners run and much to the liking of a Butcher's Dog who we briefly saw at the start. We came across interesting paths not hashed on before, including those that were indeed not public footpaths, a fact pointed out to us by the land owners. The lack of recce time by the hare for Plan B clearly showed, and it was left to the hounds to find the correct route rather than 'legging it' down a private driveway. Only Butcher's Dog had the stealth and speed to manage this. 
At one point the trail joined the route of the ongoing Duffield 5 km race, except we were going in the opposite direction. I was told 42 times that I was going the wrong way. Being Derbyshire we encountered numerous sheep, a high density flock having been recently gathered and shorn. The flour was widely spaced on long stretches of trail without checks. When checks were encountered, long false trails had to be run. It was after one of these - a long descent into Duffield - I found myself going from the front to the back of the pack and even behind fast walking Seaman Stains. He bravely persisted with the entire trail arriving back at the ON INN at 21:30, long after many of the tired hashers had gone home. 
Hot Air had decided to come running with hash rather than with her local athletics club. Good choice - she certainly got in plenty of running today plus the socialising one gets with a hash. We had a couple of newcomers from Leicester but alas by the time we got back to the pub they had to leave to catch a train home. There was no formal circle but Dobber did buy Trianal a drink for his effort as hare and also one for Seaman Stains as the last hound standing.
That's the way I saw it..
Durex

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 835, Dixies Arms, Bagthorpe

RUN #835

Date: Sunday 15th June 2014
Location: Dixies Arms, Bagthorpe (NG16 5HF)
Hares:Captain Oates and Hot Air
Weather: Warm but overcast
Pack size: 15

We liked our previous trail from the Dixies Arms so much we were back here again for Run#835. Hot Air was doing her virgin hare for Quorn under the misdirection of Captain Oates. The fact that the hares arrived back at the pub laying trails from two different directions set the scene for today's run. There was going to be, at some points on today's run, several multiple choice trails.
The first check was at a ford and predictably B*gger choose to check it out and

Rapid decent on the 'Others' Trail

B*gger pole dancing 

it was the right way. There were a number of quirks early on in the trail, including a deviation from the main footpath to run the other three sides of a field, the hare lying about the need to check to the left, and extra blobs up random cul-de-sacs which only I felt the need to check.
Then there was the trail through the woods. Here the hares experimented with flour texting including information such as 'Fathers', 'Others' and 'Lost'. The latter was not an instruction from the hares, just a cry for help from Hot Air.
In the woods the trail became most interesting - whilst the Father's got a special easy trail for Father's Day, 'Others' went on a SAS assault course involving several very steep ups and downs. The hares did well to find their way out of the woods and so did most of the pack. Extra effort was put into marking checks as Too Tuf and Chicki reliant on public transport were even later than usual.
Hot Air had bribed us with Jelly Babies at the start and at the finish a 'good run' verdict was assured with the provision of a pork pie, cheese and biscuits.
B*gger returned to RA duties with the Curate being a hare and Butt Plug being elsewhere. Barritone was awarded a DD for horse whispering having made a two-week old foal become very wary of hashers with his excellent very loud 'On On!'. Given England's defeat to Italy in the Football World Cup a stand-in Italian was appointed for a DD, namely Debriefed who came the closest to wearing Azzurri Blue. We'll need a Uruguayan for next week. Further DDs were awarded to Free Willy for showing he hadn't had the benefit of the Green Cross Code; Visitors and Virgins, all related to Debriefed (Dad, Mum and Sister) - was the hash your Father's Day treat? ; Diarrhoea for clearing beer glasses (at least 3 miles from the pub); and finally, the hares for a good run.
So that's the way I saw it.....
Durex

Trail as done by Durex

AH4 Run 52 Sir Charles Cotton Hotel, Hartington

RUN #52
Date: Saturday 7th June 2014
Location: Sir Charles Cotton Hotel, Hartington (SK17 0AL)
Hare:Road Pick-up
Weather: Generally very wet
Pack size: 12

This Asbourne hash day started with thunder, lightening and torrential rain, the kind of day you would never dream of making a trip into the Peak District to go for a run. Solidarity with the poor hare who had to set the trail, and the fact that the hash goes on whatever the weather, meant that we were in Hartington by 11:00 ready for the On Out. The rain had stopped.
ASB was there at the start but made some excuse about having to leave early. She did get the temporary position of director of latecomers, which was fortunate for Half Bee who once sent in the right direction soon caught the pack. Gradually the rain returned and by the end of the hash we were wet to

The power of flour! The On Inn direction still clearly
visible on the road under flowing water 

our bones. It was a lovely trail and well laid by Road Pick-up. Despite the rain the flour remained more-or-less intact, including four fish hooks. The downhill bits were a bit slippery, something Two Bob utilised for a bit of skiing practice. 
Horse's Arse with his strap-on video camera recorded the whole run including the promised highlight of the donkeys.
Back at the On Inn we all had a lot of drying out to do, and a log fire was most welcome, even in June. Hot Air lived up to her name and managed to dry her hair, shame about the pink jumper. Indeed, this was her third AH4 trail but the first she had managed to make on time. This was down to her chauffeur and newcomer Audry.

Due to persistent rain, the circle was held in the hotel's tea room which must get the award for the most luxurious circle settings.

Hot Air receiving an award for the pinkest attire of the day
(from Muff Shot's Facebook posting)

The arrival of food brought the circle to a quick end before we had time to name returner Jamie, and Muff Shot may have got off lightly with new shoes.
Well done Road Pick-up on an excellent trail and hash location.

Trail as run by Durex

QH3 Run 834 The Tap House, Smisby

RUN #834
Date: Sunday 1st June 2014
Location: The Tap House, Smisby (LE65 2TA)
Hares:B*gger and Goblin
Weather: Warm sunshine
Pack size: 12

June has arrived with lovely summer weather, a pleasant change after a week of rain. Jogging around the trail I was struggling to find some negatives to say about this hash. Excellent weather, the Tap House is an excellent On INN and this was an excellent trail, some parts along virgin paths obviously not widely used judging by the height and depth of stinging nettles. The warm weather had also brought out a lot of flies, Captain Oates was snacking on them on the way around. There was a lack of sheep but given the Leicestershire (rather than Derbyshire) postcode, and the absence of Barritone, that was understandable.
The hare pointed out that part of the trail followed the newly launched National Forest Way (Stage 7 Moira to Hartshorne), though we did only did a small part of its 75 mile length. Too Tuf also impressed us with his knowledge of cereal crops identifying the 'two row maritime barely'. Useful person to have on your quiz team - his head if full of all kinds of useless information when not full with beer.
Malteaser and Wallington chose to do the walker's option, the rest of us doing the 6 miles plus trail that was well laid and with some excellent checks that kept the pack together.
We're getting used to having a full time RA (Butt Plug) leading the circle, though his curate (Captain Oates) delayed the start of proceedings by having a dinner for which he was awarded a DD. This was passed on to someone else on the feeble grounds that he was on his way to work. Other DDs were awarded to Hot Air and Chicki for raising the RA's expectations; Durex for using the 'socks up, trousers down' approach to avoiding stinging nettles; Wallington for a limp wrist (the cause of which was stipulated); Malteaser for being seen coming out of the bushes; Ballcrusher who won Captain Oates' DD lottery; Diarrhoea (fleeced again); and B*gger and Goblin for a good trail.
Goblin provided the usual excellent shortcake feet and the pub provided us with a beer named after one of our hashers (Malteaser). Good job hash names aren't copyrighted!

ON ON Durex.

Trail as done by Durex