AH4 Run 34. Corley Farm, 3 miles east of Ashbourne. 14/07/2012

This was a hash with a difference. Originally billed as a mid-summer campout, it was neither mid-summer (how can you decide a mid-point for something that has never started), nor a campout (as the fields were too waterlogged). However, the location remained the same, Corley Farm 3 miles east of Ashbourne, or more precisely along the bit of road just before the farm. Hare was Skip Rat and a long hard run was anticipated.
The weather was in keeping with the reinstatement of Durex as RA - lovely sunshine - and Andean Sex Beast wore nice pink-flowered trousers appropriate for an unusual hash, made from material that would look at home as curtains in a poorly furnished holiday cottage.
Totem Pole put on his war paint to protect himself from the sun and then made the mistake of setting off with the r*nners as opposed to the short-cutters (mostly identified by purple AH4 T-Shirts). After about 500 m it became clear that this hash wasn't going to be run on footpaths. At the first check we stumbled around looking for obvious paths when the correct trail actually went into a field of cows with no discernible path or exit, but lots and lots of mud. The hesitation at the first check gave Bugger, fresh from his early morning park run, chance to catch us up. From that point the pack kept well together with the likes of Malteaser, Wriggle and Wheelchair keeping up with Horse's Arse FRB on account of difficult paths to find, zig zagging through long grass, and lots of water and shiggy. Not that the trail was poorly marked. I'd always thought the only point to thistles was being a national emblem, they also make good receptors for flour in long grass.
Purple coloured short-cutters were caught about 30 minutes into the trail, possession of a dog seemed to be a qualification to be in this group (Non-Runner, Mama Rose and ASB) if you weren't called Pretty Flamingo. Then the real fun started following some surprising ASB front-running and checking. The pack was led down a spooky ancient track-way full of dead trees and very prickly thorn bushes. The only way out was via more than 45 degree muddy slopes. Unfortunately, at an unseen check, Horse's Arse and ASB led us up the wrong slope. We struggled to get up it, and we struggled to get down again. Flying Bottom wasn't on this hash but there were plenty of those! Back on the correct trail we then had a struggle to get out the other side of this deep hollow. It's my nomination for check of the year.
The ON-IN trail completed a figure-of-eight short hash which was about 3 miles long and done in 75 minutes - this was the way I did it - AH4 Run 34.
A circle was held at site with unusually good beer for DDs. The Hare was suitably awarded for what was generally rated an exceptionally good hash. Even Bugger was happy. The pack retired to the Bowling Green Inn in Ashbourne where I was left to contemplate the trail whilst Malteaser went off to do some shopping.

Dirty dirty hash shoes	Flour on a thistle
The check that took us 20 minutes to escape from	Wriggle emerging from the hollow. Bugger pulling  people up the slope

QH3 Run 765. The Plough, Ashby de la Zouch. 01/07/2012

The Plough on the Green, Ashby de la Zouch

Our first hash of July was done by a very small pack. At the start there was just Wallington, Malteaser and Durex, plus the hare (Bugger) and a co-hare (Goblin) to accompany the walkers (?). That was a real shame as this was a classic Bugger hash with river crossings, flower festival, plenty of churches, devious checks and quite a bit of previously unhashed trail.

Hash Heaven... pub with good beer and
 a cake shop next door!

We knew this was going to be hard going with just three do to the checking, and it was. No shortcut or walking for Wallington this week. At the start Malteaser found herself in the unaccustomed position at the front, no supervisory checking for anyone on this hash. Twenty minutes into the run we knew Too Tuf and Chicki had arrived, it started to spit with rain and we had our RA for the day. The rain didn't last long. This hash has excellent weather management procedures now in force. Even during the wettest June in history, did we have a wet hash in the entire month?

..still on flour

Towards the latter half, Wallington and Malteaser began to fade and I found myself running all the false trails and then having to return back along the correct trail in order to wave Wallington ON ON. No use calling him on, and I had to make sure my driver for the journey home was also heading in the right direction.
A shallow stretch of stream with an under-bridge crossing showed I could no longer walk on water but my r*nning shoes were the cleanest they've been for a month. That was until we hit that particularly shiggy bit and then a paddy field with the cows before returning into Ashby dlZ. I passed the co-hare walking by herself shortly before I got to the ON-IN. I did feel weary and no wonder with nearly 8 miles done and 1000+ calories burned (see Run 765).
Excellent beer (Shropshire Gold) and shortcake feet, Goblin's trademark treat, preceded a small well-formed circle  led by the RA for the day Too Tuf. We decided that many people had today missed a very good run!

QH3 Run 764. The Sun Inn, Gotham. 25/06/2012

Venue: The Sun Inn, Gotham.
Hare: Butt Plug
Weather: Good - Bugger made RA for the night


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Just before the pack set off, a horse did a big dump right in front of the hare's car. Was this to be a prophecy for today's trail? A small well-formed pack of seven plus the hare set off with Mickleover Hashers Dobber and Lionel setting the pace at the back. A good dose of concrete slab laying the previous day had left me with a bad back and wondering whether I could keep up with Dobber. Not to worry, on up Gotham Hill the back loosened and so on to the front to help Bugger and Barritone do the checking leaving Too Tuf and Chicki ambling along at the back.

The Gotham City, Batman clock

This is one of my favourite running areas, plenty of hills. The hare did well leading us around a familiar area but not on the usual tracks. This was helped by faded flour blobs in the wood that just made those checks a little bit harder. 
The last half involved quite a lot of up (to the famous Cuckoo Bush Wood) and then down. Plenty of time stretch ones legs and take some photos such as the Gotham City clock.
We haven't had many occasions to sit outside this summer. A pleasant evening and we all managed to sit around one umbrella table in daylight until after ten. I do hope someone showed Chicki the way to the gate to get out of the beer garden. General consensus (without a vote) - Good Run.
This was the way I did Run 764.

MH3 Run 228. The Green Man, Willington. 18/06/2012.

Hares: Parker & Lady P
Venue: Green Man, Willington
Weather: Dry
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We don't do many trails in Willington and today's trail demonstrated why. Nice venue, good weather but the problem is a railway line, canal and the A50, all going E-W with limited crosing points. This was in Repton hashing territory so no surprise to have four Repton runners present again. Consequently the pack set off a great speed, Parker struggling to keep up even on his bike. I made the mistake of stopping to release some stones from my shoe and lost everyone. I saw Bugger wandering about in the distance, not realising he was lost too. We picked up flour on the canal going in both directions. After finding an unmarked check and no sign of the pack we rightly concluded we had strayed on to the ON-IN trail. Flour on the trail tended to be spaced a long way apart, moreso than the distance betwen the outward and inward trails.
The first check was found after 2 miles, Bugger was not happy. Along with other lost stragglers Wriggle and Ball Crusher we stumbled around Findern struggling to flour, checks and the right direction. Even Woggle and Seaman Stains caught us up walking. It was then up and down the canal and back to Willington.
We had a naming in the circle, one of the Repton runners turning up to the circle with shopping and confessing that she had to go home to do some baking. Welcome to the world of hashing Masterbaker! And this was the way I Run 228.

QH3 Run 763. The Anchor, Nether Broughton. 17/06/2012

Unbelievable. Too Tuf and Chicki arrive 20 minutes before the start of a hash! Hold back the shock, they did have the hash to set as they were today's hares. We did set off a bit late to give the hares a chance to get ahead, and wait for Bugger and Goblin to get ready. A brief light shower as we started meant that Too Tuf should have been RA for the day, but you can't set a trail and be the RA. Instead, we had to line up the other curates (Bugger, IP and Butt Plug) and the shortest draws the short straw - Bugger was our RA for the day and on his appointment it stopped raining.

I've hashed many trails and done a lot of running in this corner of NW Leicestershire and the public footpaths are always hopeless. The council fulfils its duty by marking them from public highways but after that you're on your own. One hundred metres into the trail, first check into a farmyard and around someone's backgarden I only found the footpath way-marker on my way back to the check. And that's how the trail continued. Many paths overgrown with knee-height grass made the going tough. At times, after a week of rain and waterlogged fields, it was like being back in SE Asia running through the paddies. At the bison and elk farm (no Skids, not Elfs) there were many well-signed paths, but the intimidating high and well-chained gates made it difficult to guess just where the paths were.

And so onto the busy A606, made busier by cars diverting off the A46, the hares obviously expecting the hashers would leap clear of the fast moving cars. Malteaser had other ideas and took on an incoming juggernaut. Most normal people wouldn't walk along this section of the A606 and so the public footpaths from it are never used. It made for an interesting trail, well-done the hares for ensuring such paths get used once in a while.

Where's the pack gone? Picture by a lonely FRB.

The hares' may have the intelligence to make sure their footprints don't give the trail away but their dog doesn't. I was able to follow doggy prints for most of the last mile, though with diversions into the field to chase pheasants.

I arrived back at the Anchor not long after the hares and was able to direct Sweet Pea to her car in the crowded car park of six cars. Wallington turned up just in time for the circle citing family business as being more important that running the trail. Bugger had difficulty controlling the circle - Sweet Pea was put on the naughty step and it's not every day the circle get interupted by a Lancaster Bomber flying past. I believe the hares got a deserved vote of good run. This was the way I did Run 763.


We actually had our Sunday dinner in the Anchor and it was a very good roast too.

Jubilee Picnic Hash (QH3 run 762/AH4 run 33)

Date: Tuesday 5th June 2012
Venue: Allestree Park, Derby
Hares: Durex (GM AH4) and Malteaser (GM QH3)
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A common memory for the Diamond Jubilee celebrations will be how wet the weekend was. What a wise decision to have this picnic hash on the Tuesday Jubilee holiday. For June it was cold, rain threatened but did not arrive until 4 pm when all the hashing picnicers had packed up and gone home after Jubilations to be remembered.
The largest local hash pack of the year, swelled by lots of children, two virgins (Roberta and Jane) and many welcome backs, assembled in Allestree Park adjacent to a big umbrella and gazebo. Most were from the Quorn Hash - much of the Ashbourne Hash obviously have more exciting things to do with their bank holiday. A big area of parkland right on our doorstep yet much of this was a new hashing area to me (see the trail as set by the hare). Nice park but pity about the local council's unbelievable mindless bureaucracy.  This was the first hash ever that I've had to write a risk assessment for! Graciously they waived the £26 admin fee because this was a Jubilee event then decided that a week was insufficient time for them to process my submission - we were jubilating at our own risk.
It was basically a winding run around the perimeter of the park with an excursion to Quarndon. I was determined to get the pack to the top of Bunker's Hill for an excellent view of the Trent Valley. A last minute change in plan spared the hounds an extra 1.5 miles and a long climb up Bunker's Hill. Instead I made good use of an Asbourne fish hook from the view point, a fish hook that if you didn't run back to the hare it meant you weren't going to find the trail home.

Talia - Queen for theday

RA for the Jubilations - Butt Plug

Copious amounts of food were provided, especially cake, as well as beer. The latter provided in a 20 litre container courtesy of the Flower Pot. An hour before the hash, the trail had been laid but I got a phone call from an unhappy Malteaser who had been standing outside the Brunswick brewery at the agreed time to pick up the hash beer only to find nobody there. No amount of cake or brilliance of hash trail would have made up for a lack of hash beer.
A decision was made to use Wallington's much travelled miscellaneous cans for the DDs and save the nice beer for social drinking.  RA for the day was Butt Plug who with his white, red and blue hair was well-dressed for the part. Talia was the Jubilee Queen for the circle and fortunately didn't decide to chop off anyone's head, even the hares', as an overwhelming majority voted for a good run. 
Bugger brought the croquet set but too much picnicing followed by darkening skies meant this returned home unused again.

God Save our Gracious Queen......

Barritone receiving his punishment

...and the hares....

QH3 Run 761. Air Hostess. Tollerton. 28/05/2012

Venue: Air Hostess, Tollerton, Nottingham
Date: Monday 28th May 2012
Hares: Too Tuf & Chicki
Weather: Hot, sunny and threatening thunder storms that went away


Eighty minutes before the hash we got a message from the hares that this was going to be "a live bare". Interesting, we wanted to know what was going to be bare. The name of the pub is a bit pretentious. True we were close to what pertains to be Nottingham Airport but the nearest we come to a passenger service is Shagulater's requests to "come fly with me". Butt Plug arrives with a car-load full of people claiming to have doubled the size of the hash. Durex pointed out that numerically this might be true but size wasn't only about numbers. His car load could also have doubled the "size" of the hash.
Diarrhoea must have been bribed by the live hares, the perceived bar across the correct trail at the first check threw us all into a tiz for a good 5 minutes buying the hares some extra time. After a very wet April followed buy a week of very hot sunny weather those stinging nettles have really grown. The hares certainly managed to find some tall ones. For Tuf and Chicki they may only have been as high as the top of their ankle socks but for the rest of the normal size (that's height) hounds they reached more sensitive parts.
A well constructed trail that got the hares in 15 minutes before the pack. Butt Plug was the RA and led the circle provisioned by the Beer Mistress (Wallington) with the most alcoholic beer available.
Run 761 was voted a good run by an underwhelming majority - this was the way Durex did it. QH3 Run 761.