AH4 Run 34. Corley Farm, 3 miles east of Ashbourne. 14/07/2012

This was a hash with a difference. Originally billed as a mid-summer campout, it was neither mid-summer (how can you decide a mid-point for something that has never started), nor a campout (as the fields were too waterlogged). However, the location remained the same, Corley Farm 3 miles east of Ashbourne, or more precisely along the bit of road just before the farm. Hare was Skip Rat and a long hard run was anticipated.
The weather was in keeping with the reinstatement of Durex as RA - lovely sunshine - and Andean Sex Beast wore nice pink-flowered trousers appropriate for an unusual hash, made from material that would look at home as curtains in a poorly furnished holiday cottage.
Totem Pole put on his war paint to protect himself from the sun and then made the mistake of setting off with the r*nners as opposed to the short-cutters (mostly identified by purple AH4 T-Shirts). After about 500 m it became clear that this hash wasn't going to be run on footpaths. At the first check we stumbled around looking for obvious paths when the correct trail actually went into a field of cows with no discernible path or exit, but lots and lots of mud. The hesitation at the first check gave Bugger, fresh from his early morning park run, chance to catch us up. From that point the pack kept well together with the likes of Malteaser, Wriggle and Wheelchair keeping up with Horse's Arse FRB on account of difficult paths to find, zig zagging through long grass, and lots of water and shiggy. Not that the trail was poorly marked. I'd always thought the only point to thistles was being a national emblem, they also make good receptors for flour in long grass.
Purple coloured short-cutters were caught about 30 minutes into the trail, possession of a dog seemed to be a qualification to be in this group (Non-Runner, Mama Rose and ASB) if you weren't called Pretty Flamingo. Then the real fun started following some surprising ASB front-running and checking. The pack was led down a spooky ancient track-way full of dead trees and very prickly thorn bushes. The only way out was via more than 45 degree muddy slopes. Unfortunately, at an unseen check, Horse's Arse and ASB led us up the wrong slope. We struggled to get up it, and we struggled to get down again. Flying Bottom wasn't on this hash but there were plenty of those! Back on the correct trail we then had a struggle to get out the other side of this deep hollow. It's my nomination for check of the year.
The ON-IN trail completed a figure-of-eight short hash which was about 3 miles long and done in 75 minutes - this was the way I did it - AH4 Run 34.
A circle was held at site with unusually good beer for DDs. The Hare was suitably awarded for what was generally rated an exceptionally good hash. Even Bugger was happy. The pack retired to the Bowling Green Inn in Ashbourne where I was left to contemplate the trail whilst Malteaser went off to do some shopping.