QH3 Run 860. Three Nuns, Loughborough

RUN #860

Date : Monday 23rd February 2015 (19:15)
Location: Three Nuns, Loughborough (LE11 1UD)
Hares: Chicki and Too Tuf
Weather: Dry but cold
Pack size: 10

This was a trail meant to start from the White Hart but much to the surprise of hashers, and no doubt a shock to the hares, it was closed for a private function. Fortunately for the hares, right next door was a dog-friendly pub that served a good range of ales. The hares' excuses continued before the hash had even started. The trail was to be shorter than planned because one of the hares (the one with the flour) was delayed by public transport. The other hare, who only shops with Ocado, was obviously unaware that flour could be purchased from Tesco's across the road.
For a town trail, there was a surprising abundance of shiggy (mainly along the canal) and plenty of dark patches. Too bad for those who didn't take a torch or had their town shoes on - more good advice from the hares.
This trail was an early bid for shortest trail of the year. Malteaser clocked up just 3.2 miles whilst I had to squeeze the most out of long checks to do 4 miles. B*gger and Goblin, verging on becoming athletes, felt obliged to run an extra loop to record over 4 miles. However, Trianal did a reasonable length without much effort as he missed the On Inn and wandered about for quite a while, fortunate to spot his own car so he could find where he was.
The RA Butt Plug, who managed to organise yet another dry spell for the trail in an otherwise wet period of weather, led the circle inside. First, DD went to Captain Oates who arrived just in time to see the pack departing. He stumbled out the car pulling another muscle, no further jokes about customers required. This was a rare trail on which Captain Oates was seen at the start, middle and end of the trail. This was seen as a negative point in the run discussion as a descent trail has to ensure he is out for "a long while". Next DD went to Trianal for missing the On Inn followed by B*gger who happened to mention his tree planting activities in the National Forest. He got his DD to a very muddled version of the Lumberjack song. Malteaser and Butcher's Dog were overheard by the RA talking about bubbles, how big they could blow and the problem of getting it stuck on your face and hair. Such loose talk was worthy of a DD. 
And so to the hares, one of whom was heard to mutter, 'I don't recognise this bit' - and that wasn't the one who would usually have trouble finding the start. Because of the aforementioned not loosing Captain Oates, no sheep, the shortness of the trail, and choosing to run from a pub that was shut, the trail was awarded a mere 33%. The RA recognised this as being one 'turd' so our hares were thanked as two turds!
The circle after the announcements then deteriorated even further with non-stop puns about our Easter hash..
That's the way it was in my dimension...On On ...Durex

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 260, The Smithfield, Derby

MH3 Run 260
Date: Monday 9th February 2015
Location: Smithfield, Derby(DE1 2BH)
Hares: Dobber and Lionel
Weather: Dry and no frost
Pack size: 21

B*gger reports:

It was a cold but dry evening and for the first time for a couple of evening runs frost free. The pack assembled, amongst the picnic tables behind the pub, but were distracted by the lighthouse attached to Trianal’s foot that was sending out a blinding light every second or so. Dobber described the trail as being about 4.5 miles, normal markings, except at one check where there was a bar after 3 blobs…

Captain Oates set off like a scalded cat towards to the first check aiming to be ahead of Butcher’s Dog, if only briefly.  Butcher’s Dog called the 1st check and in doing so found the bar after 3 blobs.  In the other direction Spike was warned about the bike behind her but it didn’t raise a flicker. The pack headed towards the city and round the back of the bus station before returning to the river and passing the Furnace Inn (On Inn from last month).  

Butcher’s Dog, Trianal and Artless Dodger were doing a lot of the checking, which kept the pace high, until reaching the park on the opposite side of the river to the Furnace, where there was a lull whilst the trail was re-found, Butcher’s Dog especially was caught out here.  From here the trail headed home, via a long bridge over the railway lines, although Goblin didn’t realise she had completed the trail until she saw the pub.  

B*gger was asked to be the RA on account of Dobber being the hare.  The circle

A Goblin Birthday cake for Durex and
Dobber (photo Butcher's Dog)

was formed around a square table in the bar (there was only 3 other customers in the pub – 2 of these in the other bar), however before the DD’s commenced, the circle was interrupted by a 2x 60th birthday cake (made by Goblin) arriving with lit candles – a hashy birthday was sung for Dobber and Durex, (who sadly couldn’t attend due to a bereavement).  

Other DD’s were awarded to Trianal for causing trouble with his shoes and Capt Oates for managing to get to the hash without any ‘trouble’.  Chicki was awarded a DD for celebrating 28 years of hashing, Goblin also received one, for a story of something soggy or saggy.  Spike got a DD for her none response to being called a bike and then the hares were awarded DDs for a good run set at short notice.

Dobber cutting the 60th birthday cake
(photo Butcher's Dog)

After most hashers had gone home, Barritone turned up having commuted from Nottingham after choir practice.

Trail as done by Bugger

QH3 Run 859, Horse and Jockey, Stapleford

RUN #859

Date : Sunday 15th February 2015 (11:00)
Location: Horse and Jockey, Stapleford (NG9 8AA)
Hare: Durex
Weather: Dry, grey and not too cold
Pack size: 15

The hash standard of excellent On Inns was maintained with a visit to the Horse and Jockey in Stapleford. This was a semi-urban trail but with the trail passing through Bramcote Hill and countryside from the the White Lion in Bramcote to the cemetery  in Stapleford there was plenty of opportunity for hashers to get mud on their shoes. Checks did there job and kept Butcher's Dog with the pack. Any good hash is one that keeps Captain Oates out for 'a long while' and this was achieved as he and Ballcrusher lurking at the back managed to get into a continuous hash loop somewhere. This was only after Dobber and Wallington had found quicker and shorter routes back to the pub.
With the RA away the Curate had the opportunity to step up and lead the circle. Not so, Captain Oates had to leave early for work leaving Barritone to lead an indoor circle. This took place after more wonderful Goblin cooking products - '60' biscuits - explanation follows.
The first DD went to Sweet Pea who was reportedly going to be entertaining herself soon in Morocco. Next was Butcher's Dog who was commended for her frequent checking of false trails today, though the DD was actually for not being the Butcher's Dog clone observed by Sweet Pea on a park run. That one had 50 shades of grey in her hair. Diarrhoea was congratulated for having a very clean car. No sheep where seen on the trail, calves where mentioned in the context of Barritone's injured leg, and this led onto pigs or should I say Sauasage who got a DD as a dyslexic hasher after being heard to utter 'No No' whilst going up a hill rather than 'On On'. The hare was congratulated for a good trail and shared a DD with Dobber, both Durex and he being 60-years young in the coming week. The final DD went to Chicki who didn't do steps.
That's the way I saw it...On On ..Durex

Trail as set by Durex

AH4 Run 57, The Tavern, Denstone

RUN #57

Date : Saturday 7th February 2015
Location: The Tavern, Denstone (ST14 5HR) 
Hare: Moist
Weather: Cold dry and overcast
Pack size: 13


Into Staffordshire for Moist's virgin haring. We might have expected a nice safe trail, but not so.

On a lovely winter's day we were joined by newcomers Steve and Carol and, although we have run from this location before, much of the trail was new to us. Heading out towards Denstone College we passed along shiggy tracks though with much of the mud still frozen it didn't hinder our progress. Two fish hooks did, the second being a the bottom of a very steep hill. Who trained this hare!
This was a long trail but well laid and planned. I did 8 miles (including the two fish hooks and many checks), others averaged between 6 - 7 miles. The walkers (ASB, NonRunner and Mama Rose plus two hounds) were given a shorter option but still got their monies worth. To think the hare set this in the morning and then went around again. Moist will be feeling that tomorrow.
A quick circle was held inside before food arrived. We started with the hare who received many accolades for her first outing as hare. Fish hooks out of the ASB school of fish hook placement and diligently laying two blobs of flour along most false trails.
DDs also went to: ASB and Durex for hashy birthdays this month; Steve and Carol - newcomers; Jelly Knob for using maps on his phone around the trail and taking the 4th fish hook position for Malteaser; Mama Rose and Non Runner were welcomed back, the latter losing his glove but not his memory; Diarrhoea was given a drink to stop his constant stream of puns and one liners; and finally B*gger and Goblin's athletic morning was acknowledged - they'd both done a Park Run before doing this trail. Goblin missed out on a DD because the DD drinks were exhausted so she joined Malteaser and Horse's Arse as hashers who missed out on a DD.
Lovely first trail Moist, well done.

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 858, The Sir John Borlase Warren, Nottingham

RUN #858

Date : Sunday 1st February 2015 (11:00)
Location: Sir John Borlase Warren (NG7 3GD)
Hares:Too Tuf and Chicki
Weather: Very cold but bright and dry
Pack size: 17

Our post-awards night hash trail attracted a reasonable number of the left-overs from the night before. The RA continued his remarkable record of dry trails providing us with a bright but very cold day.
This was an urban hash trail that found a suitably challenging route around Nottingham, a run along the canal and a lot of steps. The 'unhappy face' checks started on the last hash were continued this week marking closed pubs, namely The Wheatsheaf, The Grove and The Red Cow. However, there were no 'running stitches' on this trail. In the absence of the usual FRBs I found myself doing much of the checking but there was a surprising number of harriettes tagging along with the 'A' team, Miss Take-me-now included.
Back at the pub Goblin had made another splendid chocolate cake that went down extremely well.
The circle commenced with a couple of hashy birthdays for IP and Skids, the latter already back visiting from Liverpool. The hare Too Tuf was punished for dog abuse. We arrived at the pub to the sound of a baying hound tied up outside a café whilst the owners (the hares) were inside enjoying breakfast. The DD was drunk at Too Tuf's usual slow pace to a Village People-style tune to 'RSPCA'. Dog Bolter got a DD for a "Bobber", the explanation for which passed me by, but I'm sure that he was a welcome back too. Captain Oates received an accolade for his innovative thinking in keeping himself warm in the "four star" hotel he chose to stay at last night. His water-powered torch doubled up as a hot water bottle and the use of the hair drier as a room heater is a very useful tip. Finally, the hares (Chicki and Too Tuf) were thanked for a good run even though there were no sheep, prositutes, shiggy etc.. It was a perfect five (miles).
That's the way I saw today's trail...
On On Durex,

Trail as done by Durex