QH3 Run 853. The Plough, Ashby de la Zouch

RUN #853 Jingle Balls Hash

Date : Sunday 21st December 2014
Location: Plough, Ashby de la Zouch (LE65 1JU)
Hares: B*gger and Goblin
Weather: Cloudy but mild. Where's the snow? 
Pack size: 12

Anyone seen our reindeer?

While hashers washed their socks last night,

The hare laid flour on the ground,

And B*gger to the Plough came down,

and set a trail all around.

"Fear not," said he, for mighty dread

Had seized our feeble minds;

"A hash of great joy I bring

To you and all hashkind".

"To you, in Ashby town, this day,

We can promise you pies and mulled wines.

A trail, which has shiggy and sheep galore;

Just follow the usual hash signs.

Mince pies at a 'MP' check you'll find

For all true hashers displayed,

Made by Goblin, along with shortcake stars,

And on the garden table laid".

On the trail we saw some real mean looking
sheep that looked like this, the Texel breed

Today was our annual 'Jingle Balls' hash trail. Perhaps not as well attired and documented as the High Wycombe Santa Hash but we were all in the Christmas spirit. Shame the RA couldn't arrange a bit of snow. B*gger ignored several river crossing opportunities early on but instead led us through a paddy field and later sent us down a stream and under a bridge.
I saw a dog-walker with the longest lead ever - must have been 25m. That was shortly after a field of the meanest looking sheep you can find. They looked like a cross between a sheep and a bulldog. However, without Too Tuf's encyclopaedic agricultural knowledge and Barritone's inside info on sheep (both missed today's trail), I was unable to get a positive identification. 

Captain Oates Christmas list found out on the trail

Cpt Oates was uncharacteristically doing a lot of front running along with Trianal and Steve (QH3 hash virgin). I did find part of Cpt Oates' Christmas wish list whilst on the trail (see left).
We've come across some interesting furniture on our trails in recent weeks. It seems as though hares must now include a sofa or a chair somewhere on the trail.

Astroturf  chairs spotted on today's trail

A new type of check for the QH3 - a 'MP' stop - the promised mince pies and mulled wine at B*gger and Goblin's house. Wallington had already short cut there and was well into the wine.

Mince pie and mulled wine stop

Having set the tradition last year Durex, the Hash Cash, deemed this was a free hash. Too bad for newcomer Steve, you never have to pay on your first run either. The circle was led by our RA Butt Plug, who out of respect for the earlier mulled wine, awarded mainly soft drinks.
Skids and Malteaser had a blonde moment, both managing to get lost travelling from inside the pub to the yard at the back. This was also Skids' 'farewell' hash having moved up to Liverpool. Steve had a DD as a hash QH3 virgin. Durex was honoured for his 501st run but refused to take off his 501 Levi's until he got his timer shirt. Captain Oates used some excuse about having to go to work - he would have got a DD for the stamped-addressed piece of toast he sent to Too Tuf. Did it arrive?

Happy Christmas and a Hashy New Year
to you all from Durex

The hares were awarded a staggering 35% for an excellent trail that had all the ingredients for a good hash. 
Well that's how I saw our Jingle Balls Hash today. On On into Christmas......

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 258. Masons Arms, Mickleover

MH3 Run 258
Date: Monday 8th December 2014
Location: Masons Arms, Mickleover(DE3 0DL)
Hares: Dobber & Lionel
Weather: Cold
Pack size: 15





Fifteen Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail.
Stains, Woggle and Oates without compulsion,
Later joined us in the Masons,
So the pack tonight was actually just a dozen.

Twelve Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail,
The On Out was marked just fine,
But three were merely walkers,
So the pack soon became only nine.

Nine Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail,
Trianal ran at his usual rate,
No other hashers missed him,
So then there were only eight.

Eight Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail,
Butcher's and Malti got in a fix,
They disappeared from the trail,
And that left a pack of only six.

Six Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail,
Diarrhoea checked down a drive,
The pack carried on without him,
Now down to only five.

Five Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail,
Running all over like lunatics,
Hold on, we've found Diarrhoea again,
And the pack is back up to six!

Six Mickleover Hashers on their Christmas Trail,
Getting plenty of exercise,
Back to the Masons they did come,
A six-pack that really earned their mince pies.

Well done to Diarrhoea, Durex, B*gger, Goblin, Artless Dodger and Wriggle who all managed to survive and complete this challenging trail around  the streets and alleyways of Mickleover.

Many thanks to Mrs Dobber for the copious mince pies and Goblin for the patter of many tiny shortcake feet. No subs and free beer meant that the hares (Dobber and Lionel) ensured this got a good run accolade.

Trail as run by Durex

QH3 Run 852. Horse and Plough, Bingham

RUN #852

Date : Sunday 7th December 2014
Location: Horse and Plough, Bingham (NG13 8AF)
Hares: IP and Sweat Pea
Weather: Sunny but with cold wintry wind 
Pack size: 14




A rare trail out to the east of Nottingham for the Quorn Hash, again with excellent weather albeit a bit on the cold side. Butt Plug passed on reports from his hash intelligence agency that police had been seen washing away white powder on the streets of Bingham. I see a need here for a bit of local publicity about hashing. Undeterred, our hares for the day, IP and Sweat Pea, sent us on our way along what we reckon to have been predominantly virgin trails.
A well laid trail, each flour blob was enough to make a donut. There were some challenging checks and places were the path deviated from what was expected meaning that the pack was kept more-or-less together until we got back to the outskirts of Bingham.
A cold wind and the less than ideal location for the circle in a public car park meant the RA was under pressure to finish quickly. The hares were congratulated first for an excellent trail though the many missed opportunities for river crossings were noted. Lincolnshire Sausage woke up this morning to find himself too poorly to go playing on his bike. Instead he came hashing and was awarded a non-DD to the tune of 'ring a ring o roses'. Captain Oates  received a DD for failing to identify sinners. The final DD went to Butt Plug for his approach into the car park which involved mounting the pavement and entering the car park via the exit.
My much anticipated landmark 500th Quorn trail passed unannounced. Disappointed. Celebration of timers is an important part of the hash tradition as is hash mismanagement. It's a shame that, with a hash as small as ours with good up-to-date stats, we consistently fail to acknowledge hasher timer achievements on time.

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 851 (OH3 Run 830 ) Rose & Crown, Zouch

RUN #851 (OH3 Run #830)

Date : Sunday 30th November 2014
Location: Rose and Crown, Zouch (LE12 5EQ)
Hares: Durex, Malteaser and Dipstick
Weather: Sunny, mild and dry. 
Pack size: 33




There's not much to Zouch but for the Oxford Hash  they can now say they've hashed from somewhere beginning with 'Z'. Our end of the month Monday run was postponed to this Sunday so Oxford could join us on a run on their way back home from a hash weekend in Hathersage. Our pack was swelled to 33 with two-thirds being from OH3.

Run 851 was a joint run with Quorn and Oxford Hashers

Splendid weather for the time of year with the going very soft in places (good shiggy!). At 5.9 miles this was generally longer than our usual trails though this enabled us to take in the scenic path around the lake and a 25-meter wade down Black Brook. Well it was either that or a crossing of the River Soar! The Quorn A-team was absent this week so it was generally OH3 that did most of the checking and stretched out the pack. There was plenty of scope for short-cutting - a few did this of their own accord and I did manage to help Skids, FBJ and partner to do this more efficiently. Cohare Malteaser was able to escort the walkers around ensuring a reasonable length walk. This was two times in a month for Underlay, she'll be calling herself a hasher soon!
RAs Butt Plug and Victoria led the circle that included DDs for: (1) Wallington and Hard Core for not doing the stream crossing. Two of many and they didn't actually get a DD, more like wet feet from water dispensed by the RA. A bit harsh on Wallington as doing the short run he wasn't given the opportunity to wade down the stream; (2) Hares Durex, Malteaser and Dipstick for a good run. None of the 42% nonsense this week; (3) Hashy birthday to Scragends; (4) Lost property from the Hathersage weekend - a wig that wasn't Dipstick's; (5) For the light-weights of the OH3, Home Alone and three others - Butt Plug had dropped into the Little John in Hathersage to meet up with the OH3 over the weekend but had found they had all left the pub early; (6) Newcomer to the Quorn hash, Argentinian Stop at my sex pit (we'll just call you Sex-pit); (7) Professional drinker Warm and Fluffy; (8) Who knows Stewart? - Diarrhoea and Lockjaw; and finally (9) Butt Plug for spending the whole weekend hashing, initially camping with the 'Hard Bastards weekend' in Edale, and it was a hashy birthday for him.

Great to be hashing with a good-sized pack. I say it every time, we should be doing more of these hashing cultural exchanges and have far more joint runs.

That's the way I saw it....
Durex

Trail as set by Hare(Durex)

QH3 Run 850 Halfway House, Donisthorpe

RUN #850

Date : Sunday 16th November 2014
Location: Halfway House, Donisthorpe
Hares: B*gger and Goblin
Weather: Fog in Nottingham, Rain in B'ham but OK here.
Pack size: 12




When the hare arrived I made my excuses about not being able to run because of a bad back. B*gger put on a rubber glove and I thought he was going to ask me to bend over! No worry, today's hash was a figure of eight, walkers could do just one loop.

One of several river crossings

Today with Wallington I looked after the back of the pack and, although walking, kept up with hashers for the first mile, checks working well. Unfortunately at the cross-over point we picked the wrong loop and in the wrong direction and ended up following the pack back along the track we'd already done and at 4 miles ended up doing 80% of the route. We did get a chance to see several river crossings and the barefoot hikers from Coventry. Anyone up for a barefoot hash?
We picked up Skids on our route and ended up back at the On Inn not too long after the pack had arrived back. We shared the pub with a crowd of litter pickers.

In the circle RA Butt Plug awarded DDs to: (1) Malteaser (been retired 2 weeks and Durex had already been broken); (2)Too Tuf (ladies be careful he doesn't touch you!); (3) Sausage (short cutting and competitiveness involving trying some future-wife beating); (4) B*gger and Goblin - good run (42.3%); and (5) Skids and B*gger (Moonies, though looky-likey Chicki took it for the blondes).

That's how I saw it...On On...Durex

Trail as set by the Hare
(less the last mile)

Walkers Trail

MH3 Run 257, The Railway Inn, Sawley

Date: Monday 10th November 2014
Location: The Railway, Sawley (NG10 3AP)
Hare: B*gger
Weather: Dark, dry and getting chilly
Pack size: 16

Butcher's Dog gave us a five minute start but still caught us up eleven minutes into the trail. A walking Seaman Stains kept up with the pack and was even seen doing checks. Such was the nature of this typical B*gger trail. The hare warned us at the On Out that the trail would have many directional changes and it was important to stick on flour. Wise advice indeed. This was a trail that twisted and turned and made good use of both pavements and alley ways. The trail went where the flour was put rather than where the path led us. Hounds worked hard at every check and the pack seemed to diminish in size as the trail progressed. First to go AWOL was Goblin, an obvious concern for the hare. You don't lose your wife on your own trail.

Captain Oates finds normal hash trails challenging so it was inevitable he would get lost tonight. He was last seen running up and down the canal with Gobalot. At least he got back to the ON INN early. Meanwhile FRBs (Trianal and Butcher's Dog) were finding the trail made more difficult by parked cars strategically placed over crucial hash markings. I chose to hang around at the SRB end of the pack (still with a troublesome back) and benefited from keeping a close eye on where the hare was going.

At the ON INN we were treated to the first mince pies of the season (courtesy of Goblin). In the circle Dobber awarded Down-Downs to a couple of harriettes whose observational abilities were questioned - Malteaser (crossing a bar) and Goblin (ran past a marked check in the wrong direction). K2 received a DD for arriving late and Captain Oates, yes, for getting lost again. Seaman Stains got a hashy birthday and B*gger was thanked for a good hash trail.

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 849, Four Bells, Woodborough

RUN #849

Date : Sunday 2nd November 2014
Location: The Four Bells, Woodborough (NG14 6EA) 
Hare: Free Willy
Weather: Pleasant and Balmy
Pack size: 7






Debriefed apparently was on a Bridesmaid dresses shopping trip. The wedding is not till next July, so why was it so urgent that the co-Hare had to miss laying a trail? Also the Bridesmaid's measurements are bound to change in the meantime so some alterations will undoubtedly have to be made. The Hare hobbled round at the back of the pack due to an 18-month old Hockey injury.
 
R*nners:   Barritone, Ballcrusher, Captain Oates and Wallington
Walkers:   Butt Plug and Underlay
 
Trail about six miles.

The Hare forgot to tell the Walkers about a short cut so they arrived back an hour after everyone else. Also they stopped to have a Greggs sausage roll. (Is that a euphemism for something that's not allowed on the Hash?). Wallington has bought a Bungalow to add to his existing property portfolio of two houses. It was reported in the media that car sales are up 10% on last year and this year will be a record 10 year high, so now we know where the money has ended up. Wallington still has a bit of a way to go to catch up with the Blairs, who have 31 properties Captain Oates is looking for someone share his flat, mainly to contribute to the expenses.

ON ON
Ballcrusher