QH3 Run 899. The Plough, Ashby-de-la-Zouch

RUN #899

Date : Easter Monday (28 March 2016), 11:00
Location: Plough, Ashby-de-la-Zouch
Hares: B*gger and Goblin
Weather: Drying out after heavy rain and snow
Pack size: 18

There's a statistic I've heard many time this year, if not because I've said it myself many times - "It's more likely to snow on Easter Monday than on Boxing Day". Ask today's hares about the truth of that! Storm Katie brought in bucket loads of rain last night and, as the hares were setting the trail this morning, heavy snowfall. It fortunately didn't settle and by the time our RA arrived at the start of the trail the 'air was just wet' and we even saw the sun breaking through by the time we got back.
It was an excellent turn out with a pack of 18 swelled by two newcomers Emily and Siân (later renamed Miss Erection). Better than the four we would have got for an evening trail. Even Barritone was able to make it on public transport from Beeston via Derby and Burton, albeit arriving late and having to find (or not find) the trail all by himself. Ashby-de-la-Zouch is poorly served by public transport, even more so on a Bank Holiday.

Goblin Easter cakes

The hares (B*gger and Goblin) modified and shortened the trail to allow for conditions but nevertheless laid an excellent trail that included an Easter egg hunt stop. Had it not been for the decoy of B*gger's car atop a long check made by an observant hasher, this may have been the perfect five miles.
Back in the Plough we were overcome with cake. That's my perfect hash, good trail, good beer at the On Inn, and lots of cake. Thanks to Goblin for the Easter cakes, or were they B*gger's birthday cake with minature eggs instead of candles?
As we had a corner of the pub to ourselves, and it was cold outside, the circle was held inside. Butcher's Dog was the first to be awarded a DD on account of this being her 200th run with QH3. Gobalot followed with a welcome back as was Whoratio. Two newcomers with hashing experience in Manchester were welcomed to the QH3,  Siân getting the accolade of being named Miss Erection on her first QH3 trail. Emily got off lightly with just a DD. Jamie was

From henceforth in hashing circles
 you will be known as Puss in Boots

originally brought forward for having black arm bands on his legs but ended up being named Puss in Boots. Wallington was seen shortcutting AGAIN right in front of the RA, and Barritone was congratulated on the effort he made to get here by public transport even though it meant missing most of the trail. As this was the hares' birthday trail B*gger received a rendition of hashy birthday. Lincolnshire Sauasage with a broken hand spent much of the circle doing a Napoleon impression - did the DD make him feel any better? And finally to the hares. An excellent trail, Easter egg hunt and lots of Goblin cakes made this a higher than average 42.5% trail. Well done the hares for setting such an excellent trail in difficult conditions and with B*gger still unable to r*n.

That's how I saw run 899. On On..... Durex 

Trail as done by Durex

MH3 Run 273, Bridge Inn, Duffield

MH3 Run 273
Date: Monday 14th March 2016
Location: Bridge Inn, Duffield
Hares: Oriface and Gobalot
Weather: Dry and starry night
Pack size: ?

Didn't attend this trail so no report is available. However, my Hash Intelligence Agency (HIA - I know 'intelligence' and 'hash' don't sit well together) suggest it was a well crafted trail around the alleyways of Duffield.

QH3 Run 898. The Willowbrook, Gedling

RUN #898

Date : Sunday 20th March 2016
Location: Willowbrook, Gedling
Hare: Butt Plug
Weather: Spring-like sunshine
Pack size: 13

Today was officially the first day of spring. None of this meteorological nonsense of 1st March being the start of spring, simply because meteorologists cannot work in units of time that don't conform to a whole month. And, as we have come to expect, the RA provided us with perfect spring-like sunshine.

Could they go any slower?

We had to go to the top of the hill
 (photo by Lily the Pink)

This had all the ingredients for a 'trail of the year'. Excellent weather, great pub for the On Inn, and a splendidly laid route (marginally over the perfect 5 miles). A right catawampus of a trail as it wound its way about the newly evolving Gedling Country Park (see GPS trace below). False trails from checks were numerous. One notable B*gger of a check had 8 false trails.
There was plenty of RA abuse and other misdemeanors during the r*n which I personally made sure the RA didn't miss. One of the more notable was Wallington's shortcut that actually added another 200m to his trail. We had done some of this trail before but in the dark (reference QH3 run 846) so it was nice to be able to see where we were going and got a great view of Nottinghamshire and beyond from the top of the hill. The hare (Butt Plug) always likes to have a lot of elevation change in his trails.



We were able to sit outside the Willowbrook enjoying the sunshine and that's where we held the circle. Awards went to:
1. Lincolnshire Sausage for cruelty to trees whilst cycling (hence the broken finger);
2. Malteaser for letting everyone know she was vestless today.
3. Wallington for imitating an off-course aeroplane;
4. Pre-Mature who thought his fall on the home straight had gone unnoticed;

From henceforth, in hashing circles
you will forever be known as
Lily the Pink

5. Durex for acting as hash snitch/dobber;
6. A helpful Too Tuf who had been conducting supervisory checking;
7. Cadi who had run from N Bridgford to Gedling in training for an ultra-run and finally got named today as Lily the Pink;
8. Barritone for old shoes, he didn't even get them replaced as a Christmas present;
9. Butt Plug for new shoes;
10. Jelly Knob, another hasher taking r*nning too seriously preparing for a 50 mile charity event;
11. Hare (Butt Plug) for a good run that still needed a vote to get 42%. The run discussion led to a tirade of puns, naturally led by Diarrhoea (pits of a run, lots of miner comments, etc...);
12. Finally, two NODDY's Butcher's Dog and Diarrhoea.

New shoes receiving a proper hash christening
(Photo by Jamie (NHN) Winch)

That's the way I saw our 898th hash trail, On On..... Durex 

Trail as done by Durex

QH3 Run 897 and WCH3 1505

RUN #897

Date : Sunday 6th March 2016
Location: Spanker Inn, Nether Heage
Hares: Durex and Malteaser for QH3 and Skids for WCH3
Weather: Cold and muddy but dry for trail
Pack size: QH3 23, WCH3 16

Today we had a joint trail with the Wirral and Chester Hash (WCH3) who were down in the Peak District for their 1500th weekend celebrations. Skids has now transferred to WCH3 (although a transfer fee has still to be negotiated) so the trail was very much a joint effort. After an approx 10-mile trail done the day before, WCH3 were very much in need of short trail, and a walkers' trail was laid to accommodate this requirement. 
We had an excellent turnout and a pack size of 39, certainly the largest I can remember for a Sunday trail. The hare laid the flour at a time when the ground was frozen and lots of iced over puddles, proving that ex-RAs can run on water. The good news was that by the time the pack came round there was just lots of glorious shiggy. There were three virgins on the trail, Elizabeth, Nichola and Ali, the latter giving the quote of the day "anymore of this mud and I'll be getting trench-foot". Too bad the person who made her come (ASB) had forgotten to mention the need to bring a clean pair of shoes.
With a large pack and plenty of FRBs to share the checking duties, the hash moved around swiftly and the WCH3 inspired holding check gave the slower ones a good chance to catch up. Malteaser was planted as a confused co-hare to lead hashers astray and this did a wonderful job of keeping the pack together. We didn't manage to lose anybody (Captain Oates was absent) and our invalidic GM (B*gger) was left to fend for himself. The hare tried hard to tempt the WCH3 RA on a shortcut at the end but to his credit he put this temptation behind him.
A number of hashers wanted to leave early (it was after all Mothers' Day) so the circle was held promptly in the smoking shelter, initially in a flurry of hail and snow. The respective RAs had a task of controlling a somewhat rowdy circle who were cooling down fast. I would normally record all the DDs but in such a large circle much of this passed me by. I recall, 3 virgins (welcome to hashing), ASB (for making them come), 3 hares (various misdemeanours , Psychojellic (skipping downhill past the RA), Diarrohea (poorly finger), Shagulater (making hand signals to the RA) and Butt Plug (?). And then there were all the WCH3 sinners. GM B*gger was sent off to get in more beers.
We had a dedicated room in the Spanker, quite a squeeze for the large pack and a challenge to distribute the chip butties. As always, these joint trails are great at encouraging the sharing of hash culture, we should do more of them.

On On..... Durex 

Trail as recced by Durex
Trail as set by Durex (inc. Walkers' trail)

QH3 Run 896. The Embankment, Nottingham

RUN #896

Date : Monday 29th February 2016
Location: The Embankment, Nottingham
Hare: Too Tuf
Weather: Cold but dry
Pack size: 12

This was the seventh bissextus of QH3's existence yet it was the first leap day when we've actually had a hash run. We also started the trail for the first time from The Embankment, as would be expected from a Castle Rock pub, an excellent real ale pub. It is well located for a Nottingham city trail and has a decent sized car park.

We had two welcome backs - Smutley and Diarrhoea, the latter fresh back from five months hashing abroad. On the trail it was pretty useful to have a torch as we followed Butcher's Dog out through the Meadows and across the dark embankment. If only all hashers had a bright LED neck collar like Freya.

I seemed to manage to avoid Butt Plug for the first two miles of the trail, mainly familiar paths but, as the hare had cautioned us, not necessarily in the usual order. Without the checking it may have been the perfect 5 miles and, on the hare's 99th effort of laying a Quorn trail, he is beginning to get the hang of it. There seemed to be no detrimental effect of not having his usual co-hare. Chicki, as we have now come to expect, looked after the weather, rain starting only as the last hashers returned.

In hashing circles you will henceforth
be known as Urinator

The circle was held inside the pub's conservatory and the following hashers were premiated with a DD:
1. Smutley and Diarrhoea - welcome backs;
2. Butt Plug for services to the RA;
3. Phil T for peeing on the hash, hence his new hash name "Urinator";
4. Hare Too Tuf for a good trail;
5. Butcher's Dog for whipping boys (?);
6. Cadi - pink again and fastidiously checking; and
7. Malteaser for doing the On Inn on the wrong side of the road.

On On..... Durex 

Trail as done by Durex